Question: I am writing regarding my wife who is unfortunately happy all the time. She is always excited and cheerful, and I just can’t stand it anymore. She even loves puppies and cute animals, stops to compliment people on the street and in general is just annoyingly optimistic. What can you suggest to deal with this?? 

I happen to specialize in this issue and need to tell you that you are not alone. Although since last Purim this problem has become less prevalent, trends indicate that it is on the rise. I developed the Zeresh test (ZT), which helps divide this problem into 3 categories.  This ZT involves spilling garbage from a second-floor window directly onto the person and then closely monitoring their reaction. The following is a brief description as well as recommendations for each group. 

Those in category one will remain smiley and chirpy throughout. Their diagnosis is PHD (Perpetually Happy Disorder).  Unfortunately, the prognosis for the PHDs is not great and they are not likely to change. Long term solutions may involve medication, divorce, and the IYCBTJT(If you can't beat them, join them) method. 

Category 2 are those whose response to the ZT is dour and sour, which may actually be an appropriate response. In fact, this may require the husband (you) to engage in some soul searching. Are you the type who looks forward to chodesh Av moreso than to chodesh Adar? Do you get excited by those psukim in the Megilla that are lained in niggun Eicha? Do you get annoyed when the kids make too much noise by Haman? If you answered yes to the above questions, you may be struggling with LCSW (Lacks Cheerful Side Whatsoever) and need treatment. A good vacation should do the trick. If not, consider spending a few months with the na-nach Breslovers. 

Category 3 people initially respond to the ZT with a frown, which then immediately changes to a smile. This is questionable and may indeed be ad delo yada. L’chaim!

Originally appeared in Yated Neeman