Question: I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I spent a few years in therapy and BH have it under control to the point where is doesn't severely impact my life like it used to. My question is regarding the upcoming Yemei Hadin I wonder if the paralyzing Yirah that I used to feel is the proper avodah for me or, given my predisposition, not a good idea to focus on. Perhaps precisely the opposite I should work on remaining calm and not getting worked up. Thanks
Rather than directly answering your questions, I wish to share a thought, culled from the writings of Rav Dessler, regarding the preparation for the Yemei Hadin, which may provide you with a helpful perspective.
Elul is a time that we ostensibly prepare for the Yomim Noraim, focusing on Teshuva, self-perfection, and Yirah. Interestingly, Elul coincides with the final weeks of the Shiva Dinechamta—the seven weeks of comfort following Tisha B’av. During this period, we read from the Haftaros of Yeshaya, focusing on themes of Ahava, Geula, and Nechoma (love, redemptions, and comfort), hardly the type of messages one would expect to hear during Elul. In fact, we usher in Rosh Hashana by laining (on the Shabbos preceding it) the glorious haftora of Sos Asis. The messages throughout relate to Hashem’s presence in Golus as well as Hashem’s abundant love and compassion for us. Are these themes consistent with Elul? Is it just a mere coincidence that the Sheva Dinachamata fall out during Elul?
The answer lies in the words of the Psikta which instructs us to read the Haftaros in a specific sequence: 3 of Puronus (punishment), 7 of Nechoma (comfort), followed by two of Tshuva (repentance: Dirshu and Shuva Yisroel). It is evident from this prescribed order that these three themes are interconnected; the message of comfort needs to follow punishment and the call for Tshuva needs to follow the sense of comfort. Apparently, Chazal felt that one can only truly experience the message of Tshuva after first incorporating the messages of love and Nechoma inherent in all the Haftaros lained throughout these weeks. People often undergo difficult challenges, causing them to feel disconnected from Hashem. Prior to the inner work, introspection, and change, one needs to feel the consolation and loving connection to Hashem. It is only after we truly feel this connection to, and genuine relationship with, Hashem that we are prepared to experience the awe of Rosh Hashana and the stern message implicit in Tshuva. This theme is noted in the acronym of Elul: Ani Ldodi vdodi li. It is about reconnecting and developing a genuine love towards Hakdosh Boruch Hu as a prerequisite for the Yimei Hadin.
Together will all of Klal Yisroel, may you experience the true security inherent in a loving relationship with Hakodosh Boruch Hu that will allow you to work on the Yirah and Tshuva of the Yimei Hadin.
Originally appeared in Yated Neeman.