Question: Purim in my family is always a struggle. It is a very short day and everyone has their things that they want (need?) to do. My husband has his Rov, his family, his friends, and his boss that he needs to stop by. I have my family which requires a few different stops and of course the kids have rebbiem and morahs and friends that they want to see. Last year the day turned really stressful with a big fight between my husband and myself. I understand that this is probably a common cause of stress and definitely not the biggest crisis ever discussed in the column but I am hoping you have some practical advice as to how to manage everyones needs. Thank you

 

Thank you for submitting this question. It is disappointing that a day that should be one of simcha turns into a stressful exhausting one leaving many stressed and drained.   

 
As with much of life, Purim needs prioritizing, planning, and a proactive mindset. It is impossible to accomplish everything. You should sit down with your husband before Purim and decide what must be done on Purim day, what can be accomplished before or after purim, and what can be dropped. I will cite some practical examples. 
 
It is really nice to bring the children across town to see Rebbe or Morah in costume but you can give Mishloach Manos on taanis Esther, erev shabbos parshas zachor, and shushan Purim as well. Of course, this won't go into one's cheshbon of being yotzei the mitzva, but it can nevertheless create reius and make the children happy. The same can be true for some of your and your husband's obligations.  Similarly, while it is nice to be misameach other people, you don't have to give to everyone whom you know. It may be wisest to focus on those who really need it (e.g., the lonely and unaffiliated). In addition, you can arrange with some family members (who likely feel the same crunch as you) that this year you have to minimize travel. You can also call someone on Purim. Showing that you are thinking about them can indeed be more meaningful than a package of wafers Lastly, start your day early and borrow a shopping cart so your kids can deliver more at once (even if it means leaving it at their doorstep)
 
An additional point to work on is to adjust your mindset. Accept the fact that there will be a certain amount of stress and make your peace with it. However, this doesn't need to be the entire Purim. Carve out some time where you can truly experience SImchas Purim. This can be a few minutes or a few hours , but appreciate those moments. This will be different for everyone as each person will find something else truly meaningful. For some, this may be the seuda; others may find davening vaskin meaningful: for others it may be visiting an almana in the neighborhood; and others may find true simcha by sitting home and watching costume-clad kids coming through the door. Hopefully, you can clarify what brings you true simchas purim and see if you can arrange for you to experience it and treasure those moments.