
Question: The unfortunate reality is that marijuana use is becoming increasingly less taboo in society. This has been driven home by the recent vote in NJ to legalize its use. Until recently it never would have crossed my mind as something I need to worry about with my children. However, with its increased prevalence in society, I am starting to wonder if this is something I need to discuss with my kids? Do you think this is something I should have a preemptive conversation about or something I should wait to see if they bring up? In a conversation about this, what are some tips that you think would be helpful?
I’d like to begin discussion of this interesting topic with a few general points. First, this topic is evolving. At this point, while marijuana usage certainly exists in our communities, it is definitely not widespread. As such, this issue may need a totally different approach a few years down the road. Second, the response to this question depends heavily on the type of child and the broader demographics that you are referring to. The approach toward an average 10-year-old child who is doing fine will be quite different than the one recommended for a 16-year old on the verge of being sent out of Yeshiva.
Let us begin by discussing an approach targeted toward the vast majority of our children at this time when usage is not widespread. They may or may not have even heard of marijuana but have not yet used it in any form. Nevertheless, I think that it is worthwhile to discuss this topic, primarily for inoculation purposes. Prior to this becoming a real issue, it is worthwhile to cultivate a healthy sense of disdain and bitul. Attitude inoculation is an effective way to help people become stronger in their beliefs about a specific topic by exposing them to arguments at an earlier stage. This is similar to medical inoculation, where a person is exposed to a weaker version of a virus and produces antibodies, which then helps the body ward it off when later exposed to the full virus. Similarly, we can train our youth to resist future efforts at engaging this behavior by gradually exposing them to the negative aspects of marijuana.
This doesn’t need to be a formal sit-down conversation, but it can be done when the moment emerges. For example, when driving past a place that smells of “weed” or when it is brought up as a news item, you can use the opportunity to ask questions like “what do you think about it”, or “why would people do such a thing/” General messages that are important to impart include, “do we want to put things in our body that are unhealthy for us?” Why would people ingest a plant that changes how they feel and can make them feel confused and fuzzy?” It is also important to inoculate against peer pressure by discussing if it is okay to say no if someone asks you to do something that is bad for you.
Facts that are important to be aware of while having these discussions include the following. A) Marijuana can affect the brain, especially the developing brain. B) It can affect learning, memory, and sleep. It can also contribute to an increase in mood related issues such as depression and anxiety and can also affect IQ over time. C) It is addictive and can cause withdrawal symptoms with chronic use. It is also important to emphasize that while it may help with certain medical conditions, we need more research to understand the link. It is currently only prescribed for a specific purpose and for a limited time.
Regarding children who are older who may have had some exposure via peers or media, it is important for parents to be credible. In order to maintain an intelligent conversation, you need to know the facts. Just saying that something is terrible or assur will likely have the effect of shutting down communication and having them engage in the behavior secretly. Parents in the parsha therefore need to learn the reason why people do this (fun, new experience, medicine, coping with emotions) as well as all the possible negative effects mentioned above. To demonstrate competence in this sugya, it is also worthwhile to learn the lingo and slang terms, what it looks and smells like, and other related nuances.
A major part of both prevention and intervention in all these topics is for the child to feel safe to approach you to discuss these types of topics. Generally speaking, be involved in your child’s life, have real and meaningful conversations, and make these topics into conversations rather than a one-sided mussar shmooz.
Originally appeared in Yated Neeman
Shalom, I'm a 67 year old BT who smoked pot for two years, pretty heavy while I was in the Navy during Viet Nam. 2 years on ship and 2 years on base in California. You ask: "Why would people ingest something that makes them confused and fuzzy?" Wrong approach. We smoked it because it made us feel everything was beautiful, clear, took us away from our daily life that we hated. We smoked it, bikitzer, to feel GOOD, not to be fuzzy and confused. And like all such thing, we never thought about the long term affects: memory problems, stress when it wasn't available, a feeling of worthlessness when not on it, etc. The usual crutch problems. It also leads to extreme laziness and lack of ambition or real solutions to problems. Also, it is NOT addicting. Psychologically yes, but physically, no. When I decided to stop, no problem. No withdrawal, no emotional distress. I decided to stop and that was it. Reb Moishe has a teshuva on LSD. Assur for two reasons: dina medina and our goal is life is devaikus. Drugs take you away from that. Oddly enough, that's why people start, because they feel the distance and want to fill the hole.
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for taking the time both to read my post and respond to it. Much appreciated! As an aside, thank you for your service in the Navy during Vietnam.
You make some important points so, due to time constraints, I will probably divide this into several posts.
First, I began with an important distinction. I believe that there needs to be a different approach between those who have not yet been exposed and those who already have. You are discussing the latter and I believe that I address this in the second part of the article. Your need to smoke it to obtain the emotional effects of it are totally understandable under your circumstance. However, in my opinion, the former category needs a different approach. Please allow me to explain.
The Posuk tells us Ha'elokim asa es ha'adam yashar viheima bikshu cheshbonos rabim. We were created straight and innocent, but, over time, we search for views and pleasures that are foreign to ourselves. This piece was printed in the Yated Neeman, addressing parents to teach those children who are still "yashar" and "innocent". The message that they need to hear, in my opinion, is quite different from that which may need to be heard by those have been exposed to the traumas of life as well as the societal acceptance of something that is far from pure. For this cohort, a question like "why would someone ingest something like this"? is totally appropriate. At this stage, this will cultivate a healthy view towards something that is not healthy. The fact that many will engage in this behavior due to their own stresses and traumas doesn't mitigate this argument. While it is true that your cohort smoked it to feel good under insane circumstances, this doesn’t translate into the same reality for the average semi-healthy child who will likely not be exposed to the same circumstances. The same is true regarding all vices that adults engage in. Children should be exposed to the message that these are incorrect. And this should be done via engaging them in conversation and helping them think things through regarding what is inherently correct and what is not. As I explained in the article, this will hopefully inoculate them against messages that they may receive from the corrupted world down the line.
You also mentioned Rav Moshe’s opinion on this as well as the addicting nature of marijuana. I hope to touch on these points later.
Thank you again and A lichtigen Chanuka to you and your family!
Regarding Rav Moshe’s thoughts on Marijuana. This is discussed extensively in a Tshuva (Yore Deah 3:35) written in 1973. He was asked about Yeshiva students who began smoking marijuana and responded that it is פשוט that this is prohibited מכמה עיקרי דינים בתורה.
First, it is מקלקל ומכלה את הגוף: it is dangerous to the body. (Obviously, this was written in 1973 and we may have greater understanding of the physical properties at this time. However, at the recent Agudah MHP conference, Rav Sholom Kaminetsky went through this תשובה in response to a question on marijuana. He quoted multiple respected mental health professionals with expertise in the area and made the following statement: “As much as you are told that it is only psychologically addictive, this statement is patently false. It is physically addictive.” Rav Moshe is working under that assumption and is also assuming that it does something detrimental to the body).
Rav Moshe continues and writes that even if we find healthy people who are not physically damaged by this, but מקלקל הוא את הדעת ואינם יכולים להבין דבר לאשורו, meaning that it gives a high and a buzz, which mitigates the thinking processes of the brain to the extent that he cannot really understand clearly. שזה עוד יותר חמור שלבד שמונע עצמו מלמוד התורה כראוי הוא מניעה גם מתפלה וממצות התורה שעשיה בלא דעת הראוי הוא כלא קיימם. This is a very powerful statement which, in essence, is saying that the high that marijuana gives someone creates a mind that is not working properly. Rav Moshe feels that this is a fundamental challenge to who we are as Jews and we cannot learn, daven, or do mitzvos properly under its influence. Rav Sholom Kaminetsky elaborated on this and said that everything we do is about focus, thought, and ambition. The fact that some states have legalized cannabis comes from them being non-thinkers, unambitious, lazy, and without drive. There is not much recognition of accentuated thought processes. Once someone enters this hazy state of mind, they lose this focus and their learning Torah, kiyum hamitzvos, and tefilla will suffer.
Rav Moshe continues with a third reason to prohibit marijuana: שהוא גורם תאוה גדולה. There is a natural psychological pull that it will bring with it that anytime someone will feel a certain amount of stress, he will need to smoke a joint to calm himself down. He compares this to a בן סורר ומורה who although he only eats kosher foods, he goes about it in a gluttonous way, which creates an addiction to the food. Similarly, it is prohibited for someone to take something unnecessary and bring onto themselves an added measure of lust and desire.
Rav Moshe’s next point is that doing so brings sorrow to one’s parents and he is violates כבוד אב ואם. (Rav Sholom Kaminetsky noted that today this point is debatable because the more that it becomes a socially accepted norm, this may be mitigated)
Rav Moshe finishes off with another powerful point. The רמב"ן על התורה explains the mitzva of קדושים תהיו is to refrain even from things that are technically kosher. Rav Sholom Kaminetsky explained Rav Moshe’s intent in the following way. Someone who engages in behavior which has no purpose other than for the thrill, the buzz, and the high and it has an effect of lessening the clarity of the mind is considered a נבל ברשות התורה and is violating the מצוה of קדושים תהיו.