Parshat Toldot offers a fascinating opportunity to explore the psychological concept of delayed gratification, a concept that is central to human behavior and personal development. In this Parsha, we find a compelling example of delayed gratification through Yaacov, who ultimately becomes the third and most accomplished of the Avot.
The story of the Parsha primarily focuses on the struggle between Yaacov and Esav, two very different brothers. Esav, the elder, is a hunter and a man of immediate desires, while Yaacov is a more patient and strategic thinker. The most significant episode demonstrating this contrast is when Yaacov acquires the birthright from Esav in exchange for a bowl of lentil stew. Esav, driven by hunger and impatience, is willing to trade his future inheritance for a quick, momentary pleasure. Yaacov’s actions, on the other hand, exemplify the concept of delayed gratification. He is willing to invest time and effort to secure a more significant, long-term reward. This concept is rooted in self-control, discipline, and the ability to resist immediate temptations for the sake of future benefits.
Delayed gratification is a concept deeply relevant to our lives. The famous Stanford marshmallow experiment conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel in the 1960s demonstrated the power of delayed gratification in children. In this experiment, children were given the choice to eat one marshmallow immediately or wait and receive two marshmallows. Those who could delay their gratification were found to have better life outcomes in various aspects over the course of their lives, including academic achievement, personal relationships, and physical fitness. In a similar way, Yaacov’s willingness to wait and plan for his future inheritance foreshadows his eventual ascent to becoming one of the Avot of the Jewish people. His patience, determination, and long-term vision paid off.
We can apply this concept to our own lives. In a world where instant gratification is often emphasized and sought after, we can learn from Yaacov’s example. We should consider the long-term consequences of our actions and prioritize our goals and values over immediate, fleeting pleasures. This requires self-discipline, setting clear objectives, and working diligently to achieve them, even if it means enduring short-term discomfort or delaying rewards. As Canadian Author Brian Tracy stated, teaching our children “ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensable prerequisite for success.” This quality is engrained in our heritage and we are tasked to cultivate it further.
As we reflect on the life of Yaacov, let us be inspired by his wisdom and ability to delay gratification for the sake of a greater future. By incorporating this concept into our lives, we can cultivate patience, self-control, and a steadfast commitment to our values, ultimately leading to more rewarding and purposeful lives.
Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign, a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, & a lecturer related to Mindfulness, Evidence Based Practices, and Suicide Prevention. Elan is the author of Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology, weekly blog. He lives in Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and three children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.