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Stories have always intrigued people of all ages. They engage and stimulate us on both a cognitive and emotional level, leaving us open to receive their deepest messages, whether they are how to achieve self-esteem, experience personal growth, or gain a connection with the Ribbono Shel Olam. Welcome to my storybook, which you can interpret and relate to on any level.
There is a story told about a rebbe giving counseling to his followers. The gabbai would bring someone in and then escort him out. After meeting with approximately ten people, the gabbai noticed that the rebbe was perspiring heavily. He asked the Rebbe, “Rebbe, you have been sitting in the same chair all morning long, why are you in such a state?” The rebbe answered “When a person comes in and pours out his heart to me, I feel I must change into his clothes in order to understand him better. Then, I change back into my own clothes, so that I can advise him appropriately. After seeing ten people, I have changed clothes so many times that the exertion of it has put me in this state.” This Rebbe understood the true meaning of empathy.
In another famous story, Reb Moshe Leib of Sassov said that he finally learned the meaning of true Ahavas Yisroel from a drunkard. A drunkard? One day, when passing a tavern, Reb Moshe Leib overheard an interesting conversation between two highly intoxicated men. One said to the other, “Ivan, You are my best friend. I love you, Ivan!” “Not true, Stephan,” a very tipsy Ivan responded, “You do not love me.” Stephan began to cry. “Don’t say that, Ivan. I truly love you.” “Well, then,”came the quick reply, “If you really love me, then tell me why I am in pain and what I am lacking.” Reb Moshe Leib concluded, “One cannot claim to love another person unless one can feel his pain and know what he is lacking.”
A story is told of a Holocaust survivor who came upon a street cleaner in Tel Aviv. He recognized the street cleaner as having been a fellow prisoner in a German concentration camp and was appalled that this man was now reduced to cleaning the streets. Upon speaking to the street cleaner, he realized that the man was far from embarrassed by his menial job, rather he was proud that he could provide the community with a necessary service. Intrigued, he asked the street cleaner why he wasn’t embarrassed. The street cleaner replied, “I am from the children of the Court of the Piesetzner Rebbe, and I only remember one or two things that the Rebbe taught us as children. The Rebbe once said that the highest mitzva anyone can perform is Tiyun Yenem a Toyvah-To do a favor for someone. Well,” the man continued, “you can imagine the numerous opportunities there were for doing favors for people in the camps. So why should I be embarrassed by my service to my city now?” How wonderful would it be if we could hold ourselves in such high regard no matter what our situation in life is!
Let us now turn our attention to appreciating our own individuality. Each one of us has a particular tafkid, purpose, here on earth, that only we can accomplish. The challenge is to discover how that tafkid is unique to us, and to utilize it.
To illustrate, let’s look at a story told about Reb Zushia. A man once visited him and asked, “Reb Zushia, when you die and get to the Olam HaEmes, aren't you afraid that you'll be asked why you weren't as great as Avraham Avinu or Moshe Rabeinu?” “No,” replied Reb Zushia. “I am more afraid that HaKadosh Baruch Hu will ask me ‘Why weren’t you as great as Reb Zushia?’”
There is another story told about a Jew from Poland who once dreamed that was treasure buried under a bridge in Prague. So, he traveled to Prague and spoke to the watchman by the bridge. It turned out that the watchman had a similar dream, but his dream was about treasure buried under a poor Polish Jew’s bed. So, the Jew journeyed back home, where he found that the treasure had been right under his bed all along. The same is true of our own self-esteem, which is the treasure within ourselves. We are on a constant, worldwide search for it, when, in reality, we only have to look as far as our own selves.
Our self-esteem grows to the extent that we can begin to feel our own purpose in life, which is to advance spiritually by doing mitzvos. Reb Zalman Senders, a chosid of Rabbi Shneur Zalman, the first Lubavitcher Rebbe, had been a wealthy man until he tragically lost all of his money. In despair, he presented the rebbe with a petition, wherein he described his desperate situation. The rebbe closed his eyes in thought and, after a few minutes, said to him, “Zalman, it is obvious that you have given much thought to your needs. Have you given equal thought as to why you are needed?” In saying this, the rebbe helped him understand that his existence in the universe was not an accident, and that he was an important part of the Divine plan. He realized his significance and that he was “needed.” Before this, his “needs” had obscured his perspective on the value of his own life.
The Alter of Slabodka advises that people should make it a daily practice to view the world as if you were created that very day. Mentally picture yourself coming into the world for the first time and observe everything with a fresh perspective. By seeing things in a new light, we can obtain a new perspective and promote self-esteem. May these stories help you to obtain that new perspective, giving you the inspiration to build your self-esteem and to achieve personal growth, while appreciating your own uniqueness.
Tina Kahn is a NYS Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a NYS Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. With over 30 years of experience, she has expertise in self-esteem work, couples communication, and relationship issues. Her work is non-judgmental and ego-enhancing. She has helped countless individuals, couples, and couples-to-be at various stages of life to enhance their self-esteem, self-actualize and navigate the path to a fulfilling life. She may be reached at 718-253-3973 or by email at tinakahn123@gmail.com