NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE
“What do you think of us?” a reader asks me in an email. “I would love to read about how you and other therapists view us, your clients. Yes, we have issues to work on. Yes, we have waited too long to begin this journey. True, we are a work in progress. But, honestly, my friends and I (who are seeing therapists for different reasons) are amazing women!!! How do you see us?”
I was intrigued by this question and sent it out to two groups. Both of these groups are comprised of mental health professionals, many of them therapists for the orthodox communities in the USA, Israel, and around the world. I received many responses and this is what your therapist says:
“There is a profound appreciation of the richness of what happens between therapist and patient. .. I also become aware of my deep feeling of gratitude for what I GET in the process of doing the "giving:" my appreciation for being able to be an instrument of healing, and my awe in the face of often unimaginable pain and courage.”
“I just completed my first Ironman (a 3.8km swim, a 180km bike followed by a 42.2km in; 140.6 miles in one day). Healing from trauma is way harder than this Ironman ever will be.”
“My clients show up week after week, enduring and processing and managing unavailable pain and suffering, with a tenacity that is astounding. They work hard at healing, they are brave, bright, inspiring, amazing humans. They show me and all of us the best of human behavior. They fight tooth and nail, every day to be okay, and most of them, in the end find joy. Most of them learn peace, love and a solid sense of self.
“I am gifted to know them, I am lucky to witness their recovery. They shine brighter than most. I see a beauty in them when they first show up; getting to witness the process where they learn of that beauty themselves, especially after all of the harm, is simply magical.”
“I view my clients as people with the same emotions, capabilities, situations, experiences that people in my own life may have. I teach them, but they are my greatest teachers.”
“[I view my clients no different than I view others in my life,] with capabilities and limitations. I realize that people can be stuck, just like [I, and] the people in my life, can be stuck. If I can be patient with my patients, I can learn be patient with my family, friends,employees, and co-workers...My clinical director stated to avoid burnout I must be interested in your clients. It's very true. And I am.”
“I view my clients as brave individuals who have the courage to reach out and ask for help to make their lives and the lives of those they love better!”
“[I see] each one as individual and I pray [I will be the one] to help facilitate healing and personal growth. [There is] a unique bond that develops when people share themselves [as it inevitably happens in our therapeutic alliance].”
“I often wish my clients knew in what high regard I hold them from our first meeting. Each new person who is brave enough to face themselves in the presence of another person whom they have just met gains my immediate respect. The fact that they are in my office means that whatever their background—from criminal to addict to a stressed wife or anxious teen—they are hurting inside, want something better; and they deserve to feel peaceful, safe, and comfortable in their own skin. It is an honor to assist them to discover, sometimes for the first time in their lives, the beauty of their true essence. To awaken the confident, maybe playful, but always gentle and kind soul within each client is a privilege that allows me to have a continual curiosity about their life experiences, what shaped them into who they are today and how we can together get them where they want to go. I notice that I usually expect the best from them since I get to see a lot of their "good side" which has a positive effect for us both!”
“How do I view my clients? From 360 degrees. Seeking the child within. Using all my senses. With curiosity. With my third ear. Not as my friend, sister, spouse or child, but as that strange and wonder-fully unique person - 'my client.' Very humbling.”
“My background is in the theater. I was an actress for 25 years before I began my career as a therapist, which I have been in for the last 20 years. As an actress, I was taught, and I believe, that you cannot play a character successfully unless you can find a way to love that character. I fully believe the same thing working with my clients, that I cannot work with them successfully unless I can find a way to love them. And I do love and deeply care about my clients.”
These beautiful responses simply eloquently echo how I would respond to my reader's question. I remember sitting with a client who was undergoing tremendous challenges. Despite it all, she had a wonderful smile, a sense of humor, worked hard as a mother, and always walked in with a sense of style and poise, her makeup artfully applied. Towards the end of the session without any forethought, I blurted, “You have no idea how much I respect you!” And even when I don't express it that openly, my admiration is always in the room. I hope my clients feel it as strongly as I do.
As many therapists responded, as human beings we all have the innate need to connect to another person, and a therapist is often the first such connection. We are honored to be that person in which healing—through connection—can begin to occur. That we become the catalyst, the messenger, Hashem's shaliach, for a client's journey to wholeness.
Surprisingly, I learned one more thing from the responses I received (because some responses annoyed me tremendously in how the therapist appeared supercilious or arrogantly authoritative!): that one of the surest ways to know if a therapist is a good fit for you, is to ask him or her this question. Because a therapist who cannot answer this seemingly innocuous question, or a therapist whose answer turns you off (which may be different for individuals!) is the therapist that is simply not right for you.
So thank you dear Reader-from-Brooklyn for your fabulous thought-provoking question!
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