Question: Every year when we return from the country,I have a lot of trouble getting my children back into normal routine. Do you have any advice on how to make this transition easier?

Answer:

This problem is the bane of all teachers and principals. As I was once an elementary school teacher, I can attest to the work I put in all year into my students, how engaged and committed they were to school, and how much information and skills they learned. I was sure, when I let them leave in June, that in September, they would amaze their new teacher with their astounding store of knowledge and work ethics.

Ha.

I was lucky if their new teacher didn't report me to the principal as being absolutely ineffectual as my students walked into her class in September with their shiny new shoes, sparkling new briefcases, fully loaded pencil cases, and blank brains. It was as if a year's worth of material had been poured out of their heads and left to melt like those wax crayons at the edge of the pool!

That being said, I can go back to the days, way before I was a teacher, when I was a student, and how I waited for summer so that I can really live; unlike the school year that seemed an absolute waste of time and energy, mired in subjects that bore little relevance to my life, stuck in a mind-numbing routine that made little sense to me. What we call normal routine is relative, you know. Maybe normal for you, and the teachers; but how normal for children to be in a school building for eight hours with rare opportunity for sports or the arts? Hmm. Something to think about, no?

But back to your question, because this column is not about changing the system, but helping your children adjust successfully to the existing system, crazy as it is (unless you bite the bullet and home school them!).

As of now, you have about four weeks to figure out how to make that transition from summer freedom to fall routine.

If you examine your child's day, you may be surprised that your child has created his own routine. Up at nine, dressed at ten and ready for day camp. Home for lunch, bathing suit packed for after lunch day camp. Bike riding after day camp, or building a club house. Coloring with friends or creating games. Nights are for reading, pajama parties, or shmoozing in front of the bungalow. He has a routine. It may be more relaxed or kid friendly, but nevertheless a routine.

Into this already established routine, you may want to introduce some of the routine he may be required to adhere to in September. Longer davenning. Homework. Learning. Reading. Kriah.

This takes patience, but try to create a way to begin to do these things. Depending on what skills he is required to come in with into his new year, invest some time and energy to make a plan with him to pull him up at least partway to grade level.

Wake him up a little earlier and do kriah with him, daven with your daughter together in the morning. Bring in the children earlier at night by enticing them with a treat of a game. Let those games be educational and teach math and reading skills. Monopoly. Risk. Rummikub. Boggle.

Read aloud to them. A lot. Children that are read to are more proficient in reading and language. They do not need to read to you; it is extremely important they hear language. Reading one book that continues each night forces them to improve reading comprehension without any prompting on your part.

Lastly, talk to them about the school year. Discuss the difficulties you face every year. Brainstorm with them how to adjust. What they need for an easier transition. Why they fight school routine.

Get them into school mode by buying school supplies in the summer, talking about school, connecting them with their school friends by phone, email, or Skype. Get them excited for school with new shoes and new bags; with fresh uniforms and haircuts.

In the few days between day camp and school, see what they need to acclimate to school. Do they need some off-days or is it more important for that week to have its own routine? Allow them to learn themselves and what they need to be successful. Buy them an alarm clock for school so they can take responsibility for waking up in the morning. You can practice that during the summer when the stakes are not high if they don't hear those clocks and you can figure out what works best for your child.

In general, the more children view their actions as benefiting themselves and not to please their parents, the less of a battle it becomes to motivate them to complete those necessary actions. Children are born motivated to succeed. If they are unmotivated, we as parents, or our school system has somehow failed them. Remember you kid as asking a million questions, wanting to know, to walk, to run, to put on his pants by myself? When does a child stop wanting to succeed? Often when the parent takes over the responsibility. Believe it or not, if a parent would not interfere with homework, a child, who wants to impress his teachers and do well in school, competing naturally with his peers, would take care of it by himself. It's when we take over and make it important to us, then the child abdicates responsibility.

So use the next four weeks to foster your child's independence, his ability to wake himself each morning, to accept responsibility for taking care of his own work and homework, to create his own routine in his own space (within normal parameters), and you will be surprised to see how he will rise to the occasion.

Note: This article was originally published by Jewish Echo Magazine's column Ask-the Therapist

Stay tuned for information on my soon-to-be-published book!

Look me up on LINKEDIN  https://www.linkedin.com/in/mindy-blumenfeld-a8067583   

Check out my book THERAPY SHMERAPY,  available in bookstores and through Amazon

Browse through my previously published articles on my former blog Therapy Thinks and Thoughts at frumtherapist.com/profile/MindyBlumenfeldLCSW

Read current articles in my bi-weekly column THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE in Binah Magazine, available on newsstands every Monday.