The great thing about being a social worker is I always have an excuse why I need to learn new things. I blame it on my clients. Which is why I felt perfectly justified skipping supper one evening and hopping into Toby's car, joining her and Chaya on their five hour trek to Boston to hear Laurel Parnell speak about attachment-based EMDR the next day. For those of you who remember, EMDR is a type of therapy that works with bilateral stimulation to activate the brain to heal itself from trauma (that's the short-short version!). But Laurel Parnell did not speak about EMDR as much as she spoke about resourcing.
I guess you want to know what resourcing is and how a therapist would use it in therapy, right?
Resourcing is the act of obtaining resources.
English, Mindy. Please speak in English.
Resources are people, things, actions, or qualities we can access in between therapy sessions when we really need help and we know we cannot call our therapists every single second to get through our day. Resourcing is finding those resources.
We all have resources. We just need to identify them.
Our husband or best friend is a resource. As is our sister or cousin. A mentor or rav is a resource. A resource can be music. Or baking challah. Something that soothes us, like the aroma of coffee in the morning or a muffin. A resource can be a book, or hugging our baby fresh out of the bath. A resource can be the memory of our grandfather who survived the Holocaust. Or the memory of our success in school as the main part in the play. A massage can be a resource. Or a manicure. Freshly cut flowers sitting on our kitchen table. Watching the ocean waves or walking in the Botanical Gardens. All these are resources.
But Laurel Parnell talked about the resource of imagination. And here is why.
When a person has experienced trauma, the nervous system may get overwhelmed with emotions, flashbacks, negative thoughts, and experience depression and/or anxiety. When processing trauma, to put it simply, therapy is not fun.
So to help a person cope with the effects of trauma work, resources need to be identified so that in between sessions, and even in session, a person can reach out to utilize a resource who/which can help minimize the feelings of overwhelm. A friend. A music CD. Exercise. A walk in the park.
But a most wonderful resource is the imagination kind. One that is right inside of you whenever you need it, wherever you are.
And I learned about three imaginative resources at the workshop (the one that I traveled five hours each way to hear…am I a dedicated therapist or what! And I don’t want to hear or what…).
The first is the ability of a person to imagine a Nurturer. A nurturing figure that you can call upon when you need nurturing. The Nurturer can be someone real or imagined. A character from a book that has nurturing qualities. Or a person from Tanach. It can be an animal (think Mother Bear), or a thing (an angel, a unicorn). Even someone no longer alive. Your grandmother and all the nurturing she conjures up in your mind.
The second resource is choosing a Protector. Someone or something that has protective qualities. An animal. A person. Real or imagined. You can choose many protectors. Your father. Your big brother. Hashem. Moshe Rabbeinu. A great elephant you sit astride that stands between you and the world below.
And the third imaginary resource is the Wiser Self or Inner Wisdom or any other figure representing the wisdom you need. It can be your mother, teacher from first grade, or Shlomo Hamelech. Or a great snowy white owl. It can even be you—yes you—as you imagine yourself in ten years from now with the wisdom you will have.
A person’s ability to call upon these three figures in times of anxiety, despair, distress, or discomfort can actually impact a person’s ability to manage those tough times. Because although imagination cannot change the past, it can change your reaction or feelings to the past. Although imagination cannot change what happened, or is happening, it can most definitely change how you feel about what happened or is happening. And that change can impact you in real time.
For example, if you are having a job interview and you are intimidated by the interviewer, bringing up in your imagination a Nurturer, a Protector, or a Wise Figure as needed will impact your neural pathways and enable you to conduct yourself in a calm and confident manner during that interview. If you remember that bully in fifth grade and then in your mind bring in your Protector to imagine yourself being protected from the bully, believe it or not, new neural pathways are being formed that will minimize the anxious feelings that may result from such memories.
Studies are actually showing this. Using fMRI scans (whatever those are), researchers have observed that the same cells of a brain lights up whether we are doing an activity or watching someone else do it. Even more, these same cells light up when we imagine ourselves doing the activity! Research studies show that reading about sensory stimuli or physical actions activates the identical brain pathways that engaging in those same activities do.
Focused mental exercise, of which a person consciously activating her imagination to create and engage with a Nurturer, Protector, and/or Wise Figure is definitely an example, can alter the brain’s capacity to increase attention, emotional balance, and self compassion; all ingredients to tolerate unpleasant moments in one’s day and life.
If you would take the moment to remember, I am sure you can recall how you used your imagination to survive scary moments in your childhood.
I know I did.
I remember changing schools in third grade. I was petrified of the teacher that loomed large and loud in my eyes while recess seemed a chaotic jungle of children. I imagined myself walking serenely along, my hand resting calmly on the back of a massive tiger that protected me; or how it sat near my seat, a growl away from my teacher.. My nurturer that year was my cousin Esti, who I imagined shared with me telepathic thoughts all throughout they day.
When I was sent to the principal for what was probably the third time in a week, I know I used my Wise Figure. It was Shlomo Hamelech’s very own ring that I could twist around on my finger and it said, “And this too shall pass.” This ring got me through some very terrifying moments in the principal’s office.
And as I write this, although I sit alone at the computer, I can feel the strength in having the resource of friendships with like-minded peers. Like Chaya and Toby. I can still imagine the ride to Boston and the associated positive feelings. Such fun!
NOTE: THIS COLUMN WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE
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