Our gemara on amud beis discusses the idea that certain people may have preference in marriage for someone similar to them, such as a deaf person may prefer to marry a deaf person.
If compatibility and similarity in interests are important in marriage, to what extent and what domains can be identified? Doing this can help couples work on enhancing them together, and also help people who are dating identify these areas as priorities. Researchers K. Antony Vinoth Kumar, Asha Latha Mathew, S. Sasikala (Juni Khyat, UGC Care Group I Listed Journal, Vol-10 Issue-7 No. 15 July 2020) identified various categories of compatibility and shared domains by surveying married couples. They began with a definition of love as comprising of three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Here are some highlights of their findings:
They found the following compatibilities to be important::
- Perspective towards Marriage (defined as similar beliefs about parenting, finances, decision making and roles and responsibilities.)
- Physical Intimacy
- Similarity in Personality
- Punctuality and Discipline
- Spiritual Engagement
- Care towards others
- Job Similarity
- Cleanliness
- Financial Status
- Physical Appearance
“In terms of importance, perspective towards marriage included aspects such as similarity in opinions regarding the age to get married, the number of children, division of responsibility after marriage, decision making regarding children, finance and other aspects. Most of them reported that if there was compatibility in this area, compatibility in other areas mattered less as this would set right the mismatches of all the other areas. The other two areas which were considered important with respect to compatibility were physical intimacy and similarity in personality.”
In terms of areas of conflict that were frequently reported, they found:
- Care for extended family
- Approach towards life
- Open communication
- Expression of Love
- Money management
- Issues concerning children
- Job dissimilarity
- Decision making
While the actual sample studied in their research is too small for conclusive rules, I think their list of compatibilities and incompatibilities is an excellent start for thoughtful introspection for couples and those looking for a mate.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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