Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the appropriate order of development to prepare for marriage:
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן אֲשֶׁר בָּנָה אֲשֶׁר נָטַע אֲשֶׁר אֵרַשׂ לִימְּדָה תּוֹרָה דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ שֶׁיִּבְנֶה אָדָם בַּיִת וְיִטַּע כֶּרֶם וְאַחַר כָּךְ יִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה וְאַף שְׁלֹמֹה אָמַר בְּחׇכְמָתוֹ הָכֵן בַּחוּץ מְלַאכְתֶּךָ וְעַתְּדָהּ בַּשָּׂדֶה לָךְ אַחַר וּבָנִיתָ בֵיתֶךָ הָכֵן בַּחוּץ מְלַאכְתֶּךָ זֶה בַּיִת וְעַתְּדָהּ בַּשָּׂדֶה לָךְ זֶה כֶּרֶם אַחַר וּבָנִיתָ בֵיתֶךָ זוֹ אִשָּׁה
The Sages taught (Tosefta 7:20-21): The Torah states: “What man is there that has built” (Deuteronomy 20:5), and then “that has planted” (Deuteronomy 20:6), and finally “that has betrothed” (Deuteronomy 20:7). The Torah has taught a person the desired mode of behavior: A person should build a house, then plant a vineyard, and afterward marry a woman. And even King Solomon said in his wisdom: “Prepare your work outside, and make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterward build your house” (Proverbs 24:27). The Sages explained: “Prepare your work outside”; this is a house. “And make it fit for yourself in the field”; this is a vineyard. “And afterward you shall build your house”; this is a wife.
Akeidas Yitschok (22) notes that even in the creation story, man and wife come last because there must be a fully developed framework to support a healthy marriage and family life.
The Gemara goes onto offer more symbolic interpretations:
דָּבָר אַחֵר הָכֵן בַּחוּץ מְלַאכְתֶּךָ זֶה מִקְרָא וְעַתְּדָהּ בַּשָּׂדֶה לָךְ זֶה מִשְׁנָה אַחַר וּבָנִיתָ בֵיתֶךָ זֶה גְּמָרָא דָּבָר אַחֵר הָכֵן בַּחוּץ מְלַאכְתֶּךָ זֶה מִקְרָא וּמִשְׁנָה וְעַתְּדָהּ בַּשָּׂדֶה לָךְ זֶה גְּמָרָא אַחַר וּבָנִית בֵיתֶךָ אֵלּוּ מַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר בְּנוֹ שֶׁל רַבִּי יוֹסֵי הַגְּלִילִי אוֹמֵר הָכֵן בַּחוּץ מְלַאכְתֶּךָ זֶה מִקְרָא וּמִשְׁנָה וּגְמָרָא וְעַתְּדָהּ בַּשָּׂדֶה לָךְ אֵלּוּ מַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים אַחַר וּבָנִיתָ בֵיתֶךָ דְּרוֹשׁ וְקַבֵּל שָׂכָר
Alternatively, this verse may be understood as relating to Torah study: “Prepare your work outside”; this is the study of Bible. “And make it fit for yourself in the field”; this is the study of Mishna. “Afterward you shall build your house”; this is the study of Gemara, the analysis of and deliberation over the statements of the Sages. Alternatively: “Prepare your work outside”; this is the study of Bible and Mishna. “And make it fit for yourself in the field”; this is the study of Gemara. “Afterward you shall build your house”; these are good deeds. Rabbi Eliezer, son of Rabbi Yosei HaGelili, says: “Prepare your work outside”; this is the study of Bible, and Mishna, and Gemara. “And make it fit for yourself in the field”; these are good deeds. “Afterward you shall build your house”; expound upon new understandings of Torah and receive reward, which is possible only after the initial background development.
Since the Gemara has opened the door for symbolic interpretations, I will offer my own ideas about marriage preparation hinted in this order. One must first build their house, that is one must establish sufficient personal boundaries, awareness and confidence. He must have a solid place in the world. Then he can plant a vineyard, that is begin to produce his own wisdom and chiddushim through his study and creativity (wine from the vineyard). Once those developmental tasks have been accomplished in that order, he is now ready for the responsibilities and privileges of marriage and family.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
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