Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses different scenarios of conversion, such as if parents convert with children, as well as possibly if the child is an orphan and adopted, if he can be converted by the Beis Din and go to a foster family. Because a minor cannot really give consent, there also is a discussion about whether he can renege when he becomes Bar Mitzvah. The Rishonim, including Tosafos, grapple with the legal and halakhic mechanisms that could account for conversion without full consent. Is it rabbinic? Is it a presumption that being Jewish is a benefit? Is it that the child is presumptively agreeable to the adults’ decisions?

I will not focus on the lomdus today. Instead I thought it would be interesting to discuss what the research has to say about the effects of family conversion. That is, if parents undergo a religious awakening, whether it is technically a conversion to a different religion, or more commonly, become Baale Teshuva, what are the various risk factors and resilience promoting factors within the family that can contribute or detract from the children following in their parents’ footsteps?

Glock and Stark (1965, p. 7. Religion and Society in Tension. Chicago: Rand McNally; 1965.) define a religious conversion as, “A major discontinuity in behavior, a wrenching of the personality.” And, ”The convert has apparently experienced a drastic shift in the orientation of his valuation of reality.”

Researchers Gregory S. Longo and Jungmeen Kim-Spoon report (Psycholog Relig Spiritual. 2014 November ; 6(4): 284–291. doi:10.1037/a0037651):

Attachment theory emphasizes the importance of relationships with primary caregivers. Indeed, it has long been proposed that God can compensate for the lack of an ideal father figure (Allison, 1969). Much work in this area has been completed by Kirkpatrick (Kirkpatrick, 1992, 1998, Kirkpatrick & Shaver, 1992) and Granqvist (Granqvist, 2003, 2012; Granqvist & Dickie, 2006; Granqvist & Kirkpatrick, 2004) and has been strongly influenced by the work of Bowlby (1969). Literature has typically demonstrated that secure attachment is associated with positive conceptions of God, whereas insecure attachment is associated with unstable religiousness (Granqvist, 2012). Several of these studies also have implications for conversion research.

In their study of 209 adolescents and their caregivers, they found the following:

• Results indicated that those who became religious were higher in social competence than those who left a religion. 
• Additionally, those who switched away from their parent’s religion were lower in parent communication than those who switched to their parent’s religion.
• Conversion during adolescence might be of particular import from an identity development perspective. For those leaving religion, this could be particularly true. Smith (2010) has argued that an atheist identity is a rejection identity. While a religious identity includes behaviors that are typically socially desirable due to the large proportion of the population that is religious, a nonreligious (specifically atheists) identity is personal and rejection-based in which prescribed social and cultural roles are negated and rejected.
• Those in the religious group were significantly higher than the apostates in social competence, parent communication, and parent trust, and were higher than the nonreligious in parent communication. Additionally, the converters were higher than the apostates in social competence.

In another study, the permanence of the conversion amongst family members was correlated as to whether it was a rapid or gradual transition, with the gradual having longer lasting effects. (This is somewhat reflective of the Rambam’s formulation about the conversion process (Issure Biah 14:2), that we initially hold back from overwhelming the convert with too much fire and brimstone. As our Sages say tafasta merubah lo tafasta (Yoma 80a. If you try to grab too much, you will not obtain anything.) Even more to this point, when discussing attempting piety and abstinence, Sefer HaYashar (chapter 6) speaks of the importance of gradually taking on restrictions instead of becoming overburdened.

ואם ירצה להרגיל נפשו, אל יכביד עליה בתחילה, אך ישים עליה עול המצוות מעט מעט, כפי אשר תוכל לסבול ולא תבול. וזה המעט אשר יחזיק בו, יישבע לבל יניחנו, ואל ירף ממנו כפי חצי שעה, ואחרי אשר ידע כי ישקוד עליה ולא יחסיר ממנה, אפשר שיוסיף בה. 

If he wishes to accustom his soul to these disciplines, let him not place too heavy a burden upon it at first, but let him place upon his soul the yoke to the commandments little by little, to bear and not to wither. As to this little which he clings to, let him swear that he will not abandon his fight against his lust and stand off from it for at least half an hour. After he knows that he is diligent in his struggle and is not remiss in keeping his oath, it is possible that he can add to the time and power of his restraint.

This is not surprising, as this also is related to the attachment concepts we discussed above. A gradual process is indicative and a result of secure attachment, while erratic, impulsive and intense processes are indicative of chaotic or insecure attachment..

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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