Some people do not do well without structure. Anecdotal samplings from aquaintances and clients indicate that many people are having a hard time davening properly without a minyan. In the interest of disclosure, I consider myself a “Davening Zombie in Recovery”. For the first four decades of my life, I found davening to be mostly joyless, robtic and of dubious value. To be sure, I did not disrespect prayer and did not talk in shul out of a sense of decorum and the holiness of the place. But at the same time, I could not understand or feel good about lengthy and droning prayers. I used to think, ״How many times can one say G-d is great, especially warbling it out in a seemingly endless chain of similar psalms?״ I would stay sane during services by doing lots and lots of learning. It was not ideal but it was the only way I could find to manage.
In my later years, I began to discover what davening is about experientially, psychologically and hashkafically. It took a long time, but now prayer is a source of personal inspiration and growth and is far from a chore. Some of you may be interested in a series about the psychology of davening that is in video format HERE: Psychology and Prayer Series. In this post, I want to offer some more guidance to those who may be floundering post corona and having their daily prayers reduced to mindless mumbles without the support of a minyan.
Corona has offered us gifts aside from its hardships. One gift is many of our structures and institutions have been disrupted and even dismantled allowing us to creatively rethink and repurpose. This crisis of no minyan is an opportunity to confront the deadness that some people feel when it comes to prayer.
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To pray properly requires a rethinking and relearning as we have developed awful habits from an early age, such as being pressured to rush through the prayer to keep up with the class or if leading prayer, to keep the class from waiting. Davening has to start from a place of meditation and awareness of G-d. This cannot be rushed. The Gemara Brachos (30B) tells us of the early pietists (Chassidim Harishonim) who would spend an hour meditating before prayer and an hour for prayer (probably Shemoneh Esre) and an hour to “decompress” after prayer. Since there are three Shemoneh Esre’s a day, that amounts to nine hours! Lest one think it is an exaggeration, the Talmud wonders how they possibly found time to study Torah if they spent nine hours a day on prayer, and resolves the difficulty not by stating that it is exaggerated but instead that they enjoyed supernatural success as a result of the their prayers. I could (barely!) understand an hour meditating before prayer, but an hour after!?! Clearly there is much to be experienced in terms of meditation during prayer. Indeed, Shulkhan Arukh (OH 98:1) says that through Shemoneh Esre one can come to experience prophecy, or I suppose in our times where prophecy is not attainable, perhaps Ruach Hakodesh. But, many of us are far from such an experience, and now is the time to break down ego and barriers and experiment within our intimate intuitive selves to try new ways to approach tefilla. We do not have to keep up with a minyan. Many of us are unemployed or underemployed and so we have more time to work on these meditative personal adventures.
Using Corona virus as the ultimate disruptor, I am going to suggest a number of practical ideas how to develop and expand your prayer ability. Let us start with telling ourselves the truth. G-d does not need our mindless prayers. Someone who says Kaddish robotically hoping this somehow will elevate the soul of a loved one might as well be waving magic charms. The first chapter in Isaiah has G-d loathing the “burden” of the insincere sacrifices. The urge to fulfill the directive of davening properly sometimes causes people to pray as if it were a magic ritual and not an encounter with G-d. The Halakha is that one must pray as if he is in supplication and not as if it is a burden. Just having the feeling that it is inconvenient or rushed creates a serious question if one fulfilled the requirement (Mishna Berura 98:9). Now it is true that certain prayers can be fulfilled with a minimum intention, such as with Shemoneh Esre if one had intention for the first section (avos), he fulfills the requirement (O.H. 101:1), but this is a lamentable state of affairs. As early as the time of the Tur (101), it was noted that though one is required to repeat Shemoneh Esre if he did not have intention during avos, it is not customary to do so, since if he did not have intention the first time, he is likely to not have intention the second time as well! We must face the idea, that at least some people truly struggle with davening in any shape, manner or form.
The first siman in Shulkan Arukh states, “It is better to pray a small amount with intention than a large amount without intention.” From a psychological and behavioral perspective, there are clearly some people who would do much better slowly building their capacity to focus and pray. If a person set a timer for 10 minutes and tried to say each word slowly and open his or her heart to G-d’s blessings and awareness of Him, this person would be more successful than trying to do this for an hour. Even the Gemara (Yoma 80a) says, “One who tries to take on too much will not succeed”. Yet human nature being what it is, if a person has a whole other 30 minutes of prayer to say, it is likely that even the 10 minutes will be rushed. But, to skip parts of davening is unacceptable either by custom or halakha, depending on the parts. So what do you do? A person who is honest about this and wants to build a capacity to pray slowly and with intention may ideally require a slow build up, starting with a few prayers for a few minutes and take months to years to develop the meditative capacity to pray properly and fully. In the meantime, he would be skipping parts of prayer. But if he doesn’t do this, he probably will never find the patience or the will power to unlearn his bad habits and likely will spend his life mumble-rushing through useless prayers and empty rituals.
I am not paskening about this in a column but I will propose some ideas for further discussion. Aside from the principle of less is more that we saw before, there are three other halakhic precedents that may allow a person to experiment with this process with a cleaner conscience. I say, “cleaner” and not “clean conscience” because we are exchanging one forbidden empty process, for a more meaningful and productive -- but still forbidden process of abbreviating or skipping prayers.
There is another situation brought down in halakha whereby it is “permitted”, as in “preferred” for a person to choose to commit a less serious sin instead of a more serious sin, though the person must still repent for the less serious sin post facto. This is in regard to someone who has an unbearable urge to commit sexual immorality, and masturbates instead (EH, Beis Shmuel 23:1. Note Bais Shmuel still requires 40 fasts or some other severe self-flagellation to repent for the masturbation.)
Another halakhic principle we can use is what Maimonides writes in his Ma’amar Kiddush Hashem. In that responsum, Maimonides addresses the situation of crypto-Jews, who are largely unable to keep mitzvos. He counsels that one who is unable to keep shabbos, should still endeavor to not carry muktzah. He should not despair and say, “What’s the use of avoiding a small prohibition when I am desecrating the Sabbath?” From here we see an important principle for baaley teshuva, and that is, any step in the right direction is important, even if still violating other serious commandments. So, if you aren’t davening in any way that is normal or acceptable, you might as well be honest and start something that can bring you on the behavioral road toward ultimate davening recovery and rehabilitation. Who, amongst us, can claim he or she is not a baal teshuva when it comes to prayer? Which brings me to the last novel halakhic argument:
There is a concept in Hilchos Shabbos that certain desecrations of the Sabbath are permitted even in a situation where it it is not strictly life-threatening but will allow for more Sabbaths to be fulfilled. A famous example is in regard to rescuing a child who was kidnapped (in a non-life threatening manner) and is in danger of leaving the fold of Judaism. In such a case it is permitted to travel on Shabbos in order to find a way to bring the child back. The rationale is, “Better to violate one Sabbath in order to fulfill many future Sabbaths”, i.e the child’s future in Judaism is at stake, so we can violate the Sabbath to save it, since many more Sabbaths can be fulfilled (see Shulkan Arukh 306:14 and commentaries). If such a rationale can be applied to the laws of Shabbos which are strict, surely the same rationale might be applied to prayer which is of less stringency. If so, might it be possible to argue, that it is better to violate the obligations of lengthy required prayers with the intention to pray shorter and more slowly in order to develop the maturity, wisdom and stamina to pray a longer, fuller prayer? If I may, at least try this one suggestion: Before starting Shemoneh Esre, instead of mumbling "Hashem Sefasay Tiftach - Hashem open my lips", just wait. And wait. Wait until the words feel like they are bursting out of your deep Jewish soul from within. Wait until you are really asking for Hashem to open your lips and your heart. Then, wait even more. Then start to pray.
Folks, these days thanks to Corona virus, it is just between G-d and you. It is time to give prayer some serious thought.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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