In our Gemara on Amud Beis, we encounter a verse from Shemos (21:1):

"וְאֵ֙לֶּה֙ הַמִּשְׁפָּטִ֔ים אֲשֶׁ֥ר תָּשִׂ֖ים לִפְנֵיהֶֽם׃"

"These are the rules that you shall set before them."

Be'er Mayim Chaim, in his commentary on this verse, draws attention to the phrase "before them." He notes that it would be more linguistically consistent to say "placing the rules upon them" instead. So, what is the significance of "before them"? He explains that it hints at the attribute of justice serving as a protector for the Jewish people. When the Jewish people adhere to the rules of the Torah, it doesn't evoke harsh judgment. Instead, it allows God to manifest His kindness and mercy towards them.

We observe a similar pattern in human behavior, where validation plays a crucial role. When a person feels validated, their emotional engagement tends to lessen. On the other hand, telling someone to calm down when they are angry or nervous usually intensifies their emotions. Most individuals seek validation when experiencing intense feelings. This concept aligns with the teachings in Pirke Avos (4:18), cautioning against trying to appease or comfort someone during their time of anger or grief.

רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר, אַל תְּרַצֶּה אֶת חֲבֵרְךָ בִשְׁעַת כַּעֲסוֹ, וְאַל תְּנַחֲמֶנּוּ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמֵּתוֹ מֻטָּל לְפָנָיו, וְאַל תִּשְׁאַל לוֹ בִשְׁעַת נִדְרוֹ…

Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar said: Do not try to appease your friend during his hour of anger; Nor comfort him at the hour while his dead still lies before him; Nor question him at the hour of his vow.

The final directive in that Mishna is as follows:

וְאַל תִּשְׁתַּדֵּל לִרְאוֹתוֹ בִשְׁעַת קַלְקָלָתוֹ: 

Nor strive to see him in the hour of his disgrace.

What is the connection between this last behavior and the prior three? I believe the sages brilliantly were aware of an unconscious, sadistic motive. The person appears to care, and that is why they are seemingly engaging the person in distress. But it shows an unconscious, voyeuristic wish to see their suffering. How do we know this? Because if the person was empathically attuned with the other person's need, they would not bother with such a foolish thing as trying to comfort them when they are so emotionally aroused.

The sages wisely emphasize empathic listening, as demonstrated by the derash on a verse in Mishley (Yoma 75a):

"דְּאָגָה בְלֶב אִישׁ יַשְׁחֶנָּה…יְשִׂיחֶנָּה לַאֲחֵרִים׃"

"When there is care in a man's heart, [yashhena]…One who worries should tell [yesihena] others his concerns."

Empathic listening is a reflection of the dialogic nature of the human personality, and it leads to different responses when there are caring and involved observers of another person's feelings. This phenomenon reflects a deeper pattern in the universe, seemingly informed by a godly quality. Rabbi Avigdor Miller ZT’L, drawing from mussar teachings, often emphasized that the human experience of material matters in this world serves as lessons for deeper spiritual truths. For instance, the pleasures of the world teach us about the ultimate bliss of the World to Come.

The concept that one human is meant to help bear the emotional burden of others signifies God's desire for humans to join Him in His concerns. When we value and take upon ourselves His concerns, it evokes more positive reactions. Pirke Avos (2:4) captures this idea beautifully:

"הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה רְצוֹנוֹ כִרְצוֹנְךָ, כְּדֵי שֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה רְצוֹנְךָ כִרְצוֹנוֹ. בַּטֵּל רְצוֹנְךָ מִפְּנֵי רְצוֹנוֹ, כְּדֵי שֶׁיְּבַטֵּל רְצוֹן אֲחֵרִים מִפְּנֵי רְצוֹנֶךָ׃"

"He used to say: do His will as though it were your will, so that He will do your will as though it were His. Set aside your will in the face of His will, so that He may set aside the will of others for the sake of your will."

Taking upon ourselves attributes of law and justice in an appropriate manner "frees" God to exhibit merciful qualities. This interconnectedness between human and divine empathy highlights the profound relationship between God and His creation.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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