When coerced, especially those in fear, may lie or be evasive. It is not because they are inherently dishonest people. Rather, the typical human response to fearful aggression is passive aggression.
Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses situations where certain legal transactions, though done in a manner that would ordinarily indicate sufficient intent, are rendered non-binding if the rabbis believed that the wife was under emotional coercion to please her husband. (Elsewhere in Psychology of the Daf, Kesuvos 22 & 23, we discussed this tendency and how it relates to marriage.)
The most famous case of this, as described in Bava Basra 49b, is if a man sells his real estate (which has a lien from his wife’s Kesuba on it), and then the buyer also makes payment to the woman to relinquish her lien, she can later claim she only agreed to please her husband. Her original lien is upheld by the court. The Gemara notes that this is only in a case where the woman is approached after the husband made the sale, as the pressure to avoid undermining her husband’s wishes is strong. However, if the prospective buyer came to the woman first and purchased her relinquishment of the lien, it is valid.
While on this topic, Rabbi Shlomo Hoffman (שיחות על שידוכים ושלום בית עמוד 147-148) tells over that one Erev Yom Kippur, Rav Isaac Sher did not let him daven at the Yeshiva because he said you did not get permission from your wife. Rav Hoffman objected, “But I did ask her, and she said yes.” Rabbi Sher said, “That’s not mechilla! Any good wife would say yes under those circumstances! You need to ask her with real options, such as, “Should I go daven at yeshiva, or maybe I’ll daven vasikin and then I’ll watch the children while you go daven.” Rabbi Sher did not let me daven at the yeshiva until i travelled back home and obtained ״real permission.”
Beis Halevi (Yisro 2) cleverly applies this legal dynamic to explain the order of teaching Torah described in Shemos (19:3)
כֹּ֤ה תֹאמַר֙ לְבֵ֣ית יַעֲקֹ֔ב וְתַגֵּ֖יד לִבְנֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵֽל
Thus shall you say to the house of Jacob and declare to the children of Israel:
According to the tradition (see Rashi), Beis Yaakov refers to the women. Why were the women first? Beis Halevi says this is so the women would not be able to retract their acceptance of the Torah, claiming נחת רוח עשיתי לבעלי we only went along half-heartedly to please our husbands. Now that the women accepted the Torah prior to the men, and I will add without being overshadowed by them as well, their acceptance was complete.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation
Do you like what you see? Please subscribe and also forward any articles you enjoy to your friends, (enemies too, why not?)