Our Gemara on Amud Aleph delves into various scriptural formulae for conditional statements. One of the verses mentioned by Rashi ("Iycha") is from Yeshaiyahu (Isaiah 1:19). As we have recently concluded the three weeks of mourning for the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash and exile, let us carefully examine this verse:
אִם־תֹּאב֖וּ וּשְׁמַעְתֶּ֑ם ט֥וּב הָאָ֖רֶץ תֹּאכֵֽלוּ׃
If, then, you agree and give heed,
You will eat the good things of the earth;
וְאִם־תְּמָאֲנ֖וּ וּמְרִיתֶ֑ם חֶ֣רֶב תְּאֻכְּל֔וּ כִּ֛י פִּ֥י ה דבר
But if you refuse and disobey,
You will be devoured [by] the sword. —
For it was GOD who spoke.
The Malbim, known for his attention to subtle distinctions between words, points out the use of two Hebrew words: "תמאנו" (refuse) and "תאבו" (desire). Technically, either word could have been used alone in the conditional clauses: "if you desire" and "if you do not desire," or "if you refuse" and "if you did not refuse." However, the Malbim explains a fine distinction between "תמאנו" and "תאבו." The former primarily refers to a verbal expression, as refusing or not refusing is conveyed through words. In contrast, "תאבו" represents an internal desire or lack thereof.
In matters of observance, the Malbim explains two factors: the expression of intent and the actual intent. Sometimes, a person may express intent to fulfill a commandment but lacks the genuine internal intention. Conversely, a person may physically refuse to obey, yet internally wishes to have the moral fortitude to fulfill the commandment. This verse addresses both internal and external motivations. It emphasizes that mere desire to fulfill the commandments is insufficient; one must actually follow through with action. Hence, it states, "אִם־תֹּאב֖וּ וּשְׁמַעְתֶּ֑ם" ("if you desire, (internally), and you obey (externally)"), and only when both conditions are met will the reward be granted. Similarly, it warns that if one "תמאנו" (internally refuses) and disobeys, they will face consequences.
The Hebrew word for "disobey" also carries a subtle distinction. The verse uses "מריתם" (to subvert) instead of "מרדתם" (to rebel). This choice indicates that even a momentary redirection and lack of performance, caused by a sense of refusal internally, will lead to suffering the consequences, regardless of the desire to overcome the gap.
The challenge for any thoughtful and devout individual lies in maintaining authenticity amidst ritual obligations for obedience. Often, one may find themselves in situations where they must observe various commandments and rituals not out of personal desire but out of necessity. Disregarding observance is not an option, yet practicing mitzvos without genuine intent is also unacceptable. Merely going through the motions can be detrimental to the soul, while rebellion impedes growth and the development of characteristics essential for a religious lifestyle.
While there is no easy answer to this predicament, an important step is to engage in mindful and humble communication with God. If performing a mitzvah out of duty is accompanied by resentment, taking a moment or two to talk to God about it can bring about meaningful insights and transformations.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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