Our Gemara on Amud Beis struggles to come up with a scenario whereby a man can be considered “forced” to engage in sexual intercourse. The sages aptly observed, there is no erection of the male organ without intent. Meaning to say, though a person might be externally coerced into sexual intecourse by some kind of threat, the actual action must be with some degree of will, as otherwise how can he become erect?  (The Gemara ultimately discusses a scenario where he became erect with intentions about his wife, and then before he lost his erection, he was forced to be sexual with another woman.  In any case, today’s discussion will focus on the idiom, אין קישוי אלא לדעת  there is no erection without intent.)

Male sexual impotence is often psychological and not physiological. An easy diagnostic test is to see if the person has an erection in the morning or when asleep.  The pressure of a full bladder on the prostate gland often causes an erection.  If the person has an erection, clearly the “plumbing” is working and psychological factors are getting in the way,  (Which is not to say that certain medications and herbal remedies can’t help.  On the contrary, if age leads to some restriction of blood flow, even if by a margin of 20%, vasodilation can be helpful. And, this of course is aside from the confidence building of the placebo effect, which should never be underestimated in the practical practice of medicine.)

This statement of the Gemara speaks to the effect of will on male sexual arousal.  If a man is experiencing arousal problems, he should consider that his organ may be acting upon some sentiment or will that is worth his paying attention.  As bizarre as this may sound, he should imagine a conversation with his organs and ask what it has to say.  Often the results are on target.  It might be afraid of pregnancy, shame, lack of acceptance or any number of other unconscious thoughts that can be constructively worked though in discussion with one’s spouse, once the understanding issue emerge into consciousness.  Furthermore, if a couple is experiencing sexual arousal difficulties or disparities, it is beneficial to imagine a conversation between each spouse’s private parts with the other.  This is a powerful intervention to free up unconscious burdens and anxieties that need resolution in order to have a healthy sexual life.  These parts of the body truly have a mind of their own, and if we ignore what they have to “say”, we do so at our own peril.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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