וּכְגוֹן זֶה כּוֹפִין עַל מִדַּת סְדוֹם.

In a case such as this, one compels another to refrain from behavior characteristic of Sodom. We force a person to waive his legal rights in order to prevent him from acting in a manner characteristic of the wicked city of Sodom. If one denies another use of his possessions, even though he would incur no loss or damage by granting use of his property, his conduct is considered to be characteristic of Sodom. The courts may sometimes compel such a person to waive his legal rights.

On Middas Sodom

Kometz HaMincha 1:31

כל דעביד רחמנא לטב (ברכות ס'), דבלאו הכי זה נהנה וזה לא חסר כופין על מדת סדום. ולפעמים לכפרת עונות וגם זה לטוב כמו הרופא מקיז דם ועושה חבורה. וזהו כל המחלה אשר שמתי במצרים. שהיו לדראון עולם על ידיהם. לא אשים עליך בדרך זה. כי אני ד' רופאך. באלה המכות:

Rav Tzadok HaCohen Mi-Lublin brings across a fascinating dimension of the principle of Kofin Al Middas Sodom.  it is within the Jewish ethic that if one does not lose out in any way then what is forbidden to withhold a good or service from somebody else. This is so even to the extent that it could be enforced by the courts, which is something quite unique in Jewish law over secular law.

Rob Tzadok uses this to raise a question. Since G-d is omnipotent, why should He punish us for our sins? Could He not just reward us anyhow since it doesn't cost him anything. Is this not Middas Sodom?   he says, we therefore must conclude that also called punishments are for our own good. He then cleverly uses the juxtaposition of the verse that states in Exodus (15:26) That I am G-d your healer and I also will not bring upon you the punishments that I brought upon the Egyptians in the following manner.  It is not that G-d is just giving us a free ride and not bringing the pain or the punishments that He gave the Egyptians. No, quite the opposite, because he is on healer he brings Upon Us punishments for the sake of improving us. Categorically the experience is different.

וַיֹּאמֶר֩ אִם־שָׁמ֨וֹעַ תִּשְׁמַ֜ע לְק֣וֹל ׀ יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהֶ֗יךָ וְהַיָּשָׁ֤ר בְּעֵינָיו֙ תַּעֲשֶׂ֔ה וְהַֽאֲזַנְתָּ֙ לְמִצְוֺתָ֔יו וְשָׁמַרְתָּ֖ כָּל־חֻקָּ֑יו כָּֽל־הַמַּֽחֲלָ֞ה אֲשֶׁר־שַׂ֤מְתִּי בְמִצְרַ֙יִם֙ לֹא־אָשִׂ֣ים עָלֶ֔יךָ כִּ֛י אֲנִ֥י יְהוָ֖ה רֹפְאֶֽךָ׃)

He said, “If you will heed the LORD your God diligently, doing what is upright in His sight, giving ear to His commandments and keeping all His laws, then I will not bring upon you any of the diseases that I brought upon the Egyptians, for I the LORD am your healer.”

Of course, it is difficult to experience challenges of life with Equanimity and the philosophy that it is there to help us grow and improve. There is a time for being angry and for grieving. However, the psychological literature as well supports the notion that recovery from trauma consists of being able to make meaning of the experience that happened. It's not that we need to say we had to have the trauma, however it is important to understand how would happen to us makes us who we are and how we used what happened ultimately into an opportunity for growth. This cannot be rushed, and not imposed from the outside.   Friends, lovers & Family must do their best to be patient and understanding. We must keep in mind what the Gemara (Bava Metzia 58b) tells us about Job’s friends: Even though technically his friends were right that the experience that he went through were part of G-d's benevolence oh, they were cruel for saying it because that was something he needed to find for himself.

אם היו יסורין באין עליו אם היו חלאים באין עליו או שהיה מקבר את בניו אל יאמר לו כדרך שאמרו לו חביריו לאיוב (איוב ד, ו) הלא יראתך כסלתך תקותך ותום דרכיך זכר נא מי הוא נקי אבד

If torments are afflicting a person, if illnesses are afflicting him, or if he is burying his children, one may not speak to him in the manner that the friends of Job spoke to him: “Is not your fear of God your confidence, and your hope the integrity of your ways? Remember, I beseech you, whoever perished, being innocent?” (Job 4:6–7). Certainly you sinned, as otherwise you would not have suffered misfortune.

for Video Shiur click here to listen:  Psychology of the DAF Eruvin 49

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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