Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses a derasha from the verses that describe Jewish divorce to learn a methodology for accomplishing matrimony:

אָמַר קְרָא: ״וְיָצְאָה״ ״וְהָיְתָה״ – מַקִּישׁ הֲוָיָה לִיצִיאָה: מָה יְצִיאָה בִּשְׁטָר – אַף הֲוָיָה נָמֵי בִּשְׁטָר. 

The verse states: “And she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife” (Deuteronomy 24:2). This verse juxtaposes becoming, i.e., betrothal, to leaving, i.e., divorce. Just as leaving is performed through a document, i.e., a bill of divorce, so too, becoming can be performed through a document.

Rav Tzaddok (Peri Tzaddik Rosh Chodesh Av) notices a powerful lesson in the juxtaposition. Divorce, which is the severing of a relationship, is somehow compared to the creation of a relationship. So too, he argues in our relationship with God, when we are farthest, we also have the potential to be the closest.

As is taught in Gemara Berachos (34b):

דְּאָמַר רַבִּי אֲבָהוּ: מָקוֹם שֶׁבַּעֲלֵי תְשׁוּבָה עוֹמְדִין — צַדִּיקִים גְּמוּרִים אֵינָם עוֹמְדִין, 

Rabbi Abbahu states that penitents are superior to the righteous.

Furthermore, Gemara Yoma (86b) states that repentance performed out of love actually turns past sins into mitzvos.

Aside from this sounding inspirational, how could it logically be true? It is one thing to say that God forgives, as forgiveness is an essential element of all relationships. However, what could account for a sin or misdeed being transformed into a positive action? The answer I believe is experience. That is, when a person goes into the depths and then finds a way out, he is a different person. But the improper things that he did became a part of the fabric of his personality, and he has learned and experienced them. Yes, they were sinful, and that is why repentance is necessary. At the same time, now that he has gone through them and he has extracted himself, there was probably something beneficial that he could also extract from the experience. He is now a person with all these experiences who is choosing moral behavior.

For example, Reish Lakish was once a bandit until Rabbi Yochanan brought him back to Judaism, and he became a great sage (Bava Metzia 84a). Are we to believe that this is an accident? No. Rather his heroic grit, determination and courage allowed him also to become a great warrior for Torah. So too, anybody who repents out of love is able to make those past experiences into something that informs him in the future, and now he uses in a morally proper way.

This is not only true in a relationship with God, but it is also true in personal relationships as well. Every time there is an empathic break, and even a betrayal, it presents opportunities for learning more about yourself and the other person. The results truly can be  that the repair of the relationship makes it stronger than it was before.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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