Can A marriage recover after infidelity? Few betrayals equals a betrayal of a spouse who committed sexual infidelity. Often, aside from the obvious feeling of betrayal, there is a sense of victimization, humiliation, gaslighting, and self-recrimination that make it difficult to recover.

The Gemara on amud aleph quotes the verse in Esther (7:8) הֲגַם לִכְבּוֹשׁ אֶת הַמַּלְכָּה עִמִּי בַּבָּיִת״ Will he even force the queen before me in the house?

In the verse, while Haman is kneeling by Esther begging for his life, possibly a bit too vigorously, Achashverosh comes back into the room, and in a rage accuses him of attempting to molest the Queen.

Given that these segments are called psychology of the Daf, here is the place where we discuss things that are sometimes difficult to face. Infidelity is unfortunately an occurrence in the frum community, amongst men and women. The Rambam (Issure Biah 22:17-20) informs us of several truths about sexual immorality:

While this small discussion cannot cover all the important ideas about this matter, I will choose some significant less frequently known ideas.

Affairs do not have to end a marriage. In fact, statistically speaking, most marriages survive an affair.

Let us discuss different types of affairs because they indicate different responses and pathways for correction and reconnection:

As with all mental health diagnoses, these are merely conceptual categories. In real life, there can be blending and overlapping of these causations and cognitive and psychological dynamics.

Key points in a Repair process:

Generally speaking, there is a need to invest in large amounts of couple work. The spouse victim usually needs support through individual therapy and possibly S-Anon or related group support. The Cheating spouse often needs therapy to understand, clarify values and develop appropriate communication and relational skills as well as grieving The loss of certain freedoms or exciting and risk-taking behaviors. 

 

Source:

 

https://www.zurinstitute.com/infidelity/

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation cool

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