Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the financial value to the kesuba for the woman. The kesuba is a right to receive payment if there is divorce or death of the husband. However, while she is married, she has no particular claim. Yet, in theory, she could sell “options”, to “cash in on the policy” if her husband predeceases her.  There is a dispute as to whether the proceeds of such a sale would go to her, or since she is still married even those proceeds would go to her husband. Even according to the opinion that if the woman sells options on her kesuba must turn the payment over to her husband, the Gemara rules that this kesuba still has financial values to her. The reason given is that she still benefits from having more assets in the household.  Thus, if false witnesses testified that her kesuba was paid out, and were proven to have a given untrue testimony, she still would be entitled to receive a financial penalty payment from those witnesses, since she would have lost out on the potential to sell options on her kesuba. Though her husband would keep the money according to one opinion, she still would have benefit in the overall family estate cash-flow.

Sefer Nitzotzei Or notes that the author of this teaching was Rav Shalman.  Notably, we learn in Bava Metzia (59a):

מר רב יהודה לעולם יהא אדם זהיר בתבואה בתוך ביתו שאין מריבה מצויה בתוך ביתו של אדם אלא על עסקי תבואה שנאמר (תהלים קמז, יד) השם גבולך שלום חלב חטים ישביעך אמר רב פפא היינו דאמרי אינשי כמשלם שערי מכדא נקיש ואתי תיגרא בביתא

Rav Yehuda says: A person must always be careful about ensuring that there is grain inside his house, as discord is found in a person’s house only over matters of grain, as it is stated: “He makes your borders peace; He gives you plenty with the finest wheat” (Psalms 147:14). If there is the finest wheat in your house, there will be peace there. Rav Pappa said: This is in accordance with the adage that people say: When the barley is emptied from the jug, quarrel knocks and enters the house.

Adequate financial resources are a key component in shlom bayis. Nitzotzei Ohr say, not coincidentally, the amora’s name was “Shalman”, which has its roots in Shalom, peace.

Sefer Daf al Daf references the Chidushei Harim (Al Hatorah, Likutim at the end) who states that each Tanna’s and Amora’s name hints at a dimension of Torah they brought into the world.

I have a some points to add about this.  Not only is the root SH-L-M peace and completeness, but it also stands for emptiness, as in being used up. Because when something is empty, and used up, it is also a kind of complete, in the opposite, but nonetheless complete as in completely empty. The Gemara above in Bava Metzia that discusses loss of shlom bayis coming from not having used up the grain stores, also uses the same word root SH-L-M, “Mishlam Sa’ari Makada” to say, “When the barley is emptied from the jug.”  Maharal  (Tiferes Yisrael 37 and Gevuros Hashem 4) teaches, from a mystical standpoint, opposites are closely linked. Light and Dark, cold and hot are merely on a continuum.  Dark is just a far-end manifestation of much less light, and cold is on the end of a continuum of heat.  Each person has in their destiny and therefore the middos to accomplish greatness along a certain line, or unfortunately, its opposite. Rav Shalman was able to live up to his destiny and bring peace, and not emptiness. 

There is an especially ironic and heartbreaking story (Kesubos 62b) about another Talmudic rabbi, who may not have fared so well in loving up to the destiny indicated in his name. Rav Rechumi, which is love in Aramaic, at least one time was unable to provide his wife with the love she needed, leading to disastrous consequences:

כִּי הָא דְּרַב רְחוּמִי הֲוָה שְׁכִיחַ קַמֵּיהּ דְּרָבָא בְּמָחוֹזָא, הֲוָה רְגִיל דַּהֲוָה אָתֵי לְבֵיתֵיהּ כֹּל מַעֲלֵי יוֹמָא דְכִיפּוּרֵי. יוֹמָא חַד מְשַׁכְתֵּיהּ שְׁמַעְתָּא. הֲוָה מְסַכְּיָא דְּבֵיתְהוּ: הַשְׁתָּא אָתֵי, הַשְׁתָּא אָתֵי. לָא אֲתָא. חֲלַשׁ דַּעְתַּהּ, אַחִית דִּמְעֲתָא מֵעֵינַהּ. הֲוָה יָתֵיב בְּאִיגָּרָא, אִפְּחִית אִיגָּרָא מִתּוּתֵיהּ וְנָח נַפְשֵׁיהּ.

This is as it is related about Rav Reḥumi, who would commonly study before Rava in Meḥoza: He was accustomed to come back to his home every year on the eve of Yom Kippur. One day he was particularly engrossed in the halacha he was studying, and so he remained in the study hall and did not go home. His wife was expecting him that day and continually said to herself: Now he is coming, now he is coming. But in the end, he did not come. She was distressed by this and a tear fell from her eye. At that exact moment, Rav Reḥumi was sitting on the roof. The roof collapsed under him and he died. This teaches how much one must be careful, as he was punished severely for causing anguish to his wife, even inadvertently.

Sadly, Rav Rechumi, who was supposed to provide love, became so engrossed in his studies, that he did not come home at a time that they are especially set aside for each other. His wife was in anguish, worrying, “When will he come home?”  He did not fulfill his mission.  (Why he died, and how this possibly was fair to his wife, was discussed in our blog Psychology of the Daf Eiruvin 39, and Kiddushin 55.)

This stark consequence of a possibly one-time failure to provide emotional security might also help us understand another teaching on amud beis our daf:

אָסוּר לְאָדָם שֶׁיְּשַׁהֶא אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אֲפִילּוּ שָׁעָה אַחַת בְּלֹא כְּתוּבָּה.

It is prohibited for a man to remain living together with his wife for even one hour without her having a marriage contract. Therefore, the woman cannot sell the financial advantage of her marriage contract to her husband.

וְטַעְמָא מַאי – כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא תְּהֵא קַלָּה בְּעֵינָיו לְהוֹצִיאָהּ

The Gemara asks: And what is the reason for the ruling of Rabbi Meir? It is so that she will not be demeaned in his eyes such that he will easily divorce her.

We might wonder, why is it forbidden to remain married even for a moment?  Why didn’t Rabbi offer a ruling of 30 days, such as when one rents a home, one has 30 days to get a mezuzah (Shulchan Aruch YD 286:22)?  We see that even a moment of anguish or lack of security in marriage and love is a great sin.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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