נָקֵיט מַרְגָּנִיתָא בַּחֲדָא יְדֵיהּ וְכוּרָא בַּחֲדָא יְדֵיהּ. מַרְגָּנִיתָא — אַחְוִי לְהוּ, וְכוּרָא — לָא אַחְוִי לְהוּ עַד דְּמִיצְטַעֲרָן, וַהֲדַר אַחְוִי לְהוּ.
In order to demonstrate the value of modesty to his daughters, Rav Ḥisda held a pearl in one hand and a clod of earth in the other. The pearl he showed them immediately, and the clod of earth, he did not show them until they were upset due to their curiosity, and then he showed it to them. This taught them that a concealed object is more attractive than one on display, even if it is less valuable.
for Video Shiur click here to listen: Psychology of the DAF Shabbos 140
Hilchos Ishus 15:18
וְלֹא תִּמְנַע מִבַּעְלָהּ כְּדֵי לְצַעֲרוֹ עַד שֶׁיּוֹסִיף בְּאַהֲבָתָהּ אֶלָּא נִשְׁמַעַת לוֹ בְּכָל עֵת שֶׁיִּרְצֶה.
מעשה רקח
ולא תמנע מבעלה כדי לצערו וכו'. פי' קודם שיבא לידי כך מורה לו שאינה רוצה דאילו באותה שעה שרי כדי להרבות תאותו ובזה מתורץ קושית הרל"מ ז"ל ע"ע:
אישות ט״ו י״ז
וְלֹא יֶאֱנֹס אוֹתָהּ וְיִבְעל בְּעַל כָּרְחָהּ אֶלָּא בְּדַעְתָּהּ וּמִתּוֹךְ שִׂיחָה וְשִׂמְחָה:
Sexual blackmail is not allowed, however neither is sexuality without consent. A dialectical concern that is often framed in halakha with contradictory directives. For example, children are obligated to go to extremes to honor parents, yet parents are obligated not be demanding nor burdensome. In other words, each party has certain ethical and legal obligations -- if only, halevai, they meet somewhere in the middle! The idea is that certain forms of Torah Sheba’al Peh cannot be captured in easy written proscriptions, thus a tension is set up between two poles to allow for persons to find the middle ground, as appropriate for the situation. In general this is why, in my opinion, certain parts of the Torah is oral.
Shulkhan Arukh YD:240:3
עד היכן מוראם היה הבן לבוש חמודות ויושב בראש הקהל ובאו אביו ואמו וקרעו בגדיו והכוהו על ראשו וירקו בפניו לא יכלים אותם אלא ישתוק ויירא מן מלך מלכי המלכים שציוהו בכך:
To what extent their fear? Had the son been dressed beautifully, sitting at the head of the community, and his father and mother came and ripped his clothes, hit him on his head and spit on him, he should not shame them, but rather remain silent, and fear the King of kings of kings, who so commanded him.
Ibid 19
אסור לאדם להכביד עולו על בניו ולדקדק בכבודו עמהם שלא יביאם לידי מכשול אלא ימחול ויעלים עיניו מהם שהאב שמחל על כבודו כבודו מחול:
for Video Shiur click here to listen: Psychology of the DAF Shabbos 140
Photo by Matteo Maretto on Unsplash
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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