Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the oblative obligations that a man’s wife incurs, such as the sacrificial animals brought after childbirth, and that they are the husband’s financial obligation. Even though such sacrifices are subject to a substitution of a bird instead of a lamb if the person is unable to afford the latger animal (see Vayikra 12:6-8), we evaluate this based on the husband’s assets, and not hers.

The Shaalos Uteshuvos Binyan Shlomo (1:4) raises an interesting question. We know there is a post-Temple custom to fulfill sacrificial obligations via reading the relevant sections of the Torah. This is why we read the various sacrifices during the Mussaf prayer (see Mishna Berura 50:3 and 423:6). If so, after giving birth, who should recite the relevant biblical portions in place of the sacrifice? Should it be the mother because she gave birth and is obligated in the sacrifice, or perhaps the father since he is supposed to pay for the sacrifice?

Binyan Shelomo says that the husband’s obligations are strictly fiscal to procure the funds, however the spiritual restoration that must come is the wife’s responsibility. The actual worship and sacrifice, or the modern substitute of prayer and meditating on the laws of the sacrifice is still upon her.

We see from here the difference between financial dependence and emotional co-dependence. It is true that the husband 

bears the financial burden but this is unrelated to the wife’s own existential challenges in her relationship with God in processing the mortal experience of labor and childbirth. 

In a related manner, when it comes to infertility and having children, we also find this idea. After Rachel complains of her barren status, Yaakov pushes back, as if to say, “You must pray for this too. I cannot carry this alone and this is your demon to face.”

וַתֵּ֣רֶא רָחֵ֗ל כִּ֣י לֹ֤א יָֽלְדָה֙ לְיַעֲקֹ֔ב וַתְּקַנֵּ֥א רָחֵ֖ל בַּאֲחֹתָ֑הּ וַתֹּ֤אמֶר אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹב֙ הָֽבָה־לִּ֣י בָנִ֔ים וְאִם־אַ֖יִן מֵתָ֥ה אָנֹֽכִי׃

When Rachel saw that she had borne Jacob no children, she became envious of her sister; and Rachel said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die.”

וַיִּֽחַר־אַ֥ף יַעֲקֹ֖ב בְּרָחֵ֑ל וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֲתַ֤חַת אֱלֹקים אָנֹ֔כִי אֲשֶׁר־מָנַ֥ע מִמֵּ֖ךְ פְּרִי־בָֽטֶן׃ 

Jacob was incensed at Rachel, and said, “Can I take the place of God, who has denied you fruit of the womb?” (Bereishis 30:1-2.)

Similarly, Elkana seems to be offering the childless Chana solace (Shmuel I, chapter one):

וַיֹּ֨אמֶר לָ֜הּ אֶלְקָנָ֣ה אִישָׁ֗הּ חַנָּה֙ לָ֣מֶה תִבְכִּ֗י וְלָ֙מֶה֙ לֹ֣א תֹֽאכְלִ֔י וְלָ֖מֶה יֵרַ֣ע לְבָבֵ֑ךְ הֲל֤וֹא אָֽנֹכִי֙ ט֣וֹב לָ֔ךְ מֵעֲשָׂרָ֖ה בָּנִֽים׃

Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Hannah, why are you crying and why aren’t you eating? Why are you so sad? Am I not more devoted to you than ten sons?”

However, I heard in the name of Rav Soloveitchik that Chana reacted to Elkana’s acceptance as a form of resignation to her never having children. He let go of the dream. This catalyzed Chana to pray for herself with no holds barred. Until then she was subtly relying on her husband’s righteous activities and supplications to save her, but now she had to face God full force.

While community and family are important factors in prayer, in the deepest sense we all must encounter God alone, no one can do it for us.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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