Gemara on Amud Beis discusses various scenarios of abandonment by a husband and/or yavam of a married woman. Though relatively rare, spousal abandonment seems to be a human behavior that goes back to ancient times. What are some of the psychological considerations?
According to researcher Elaine Brinkley (Smith) (BRINKLEY, E. (1998). The Dynamics of Marital Disintegration. National Undergraduate Research Clearinghouse, 1.):
- Spousal abandonment occurs when a marriage breakup is initiated by one partner, the leaver, without much forewarning, or perceived forewarning, by the other partner
- In terms of Trauma, next to the death of a loved one, a divorce is the most severe trauma an adult can experience. Every emotional reaction is possible: anger, despair, guilt, depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, euphoria. Abandoned spouses go through clinically much of the same processes as widows whose spouses have died (Schell, 1994). Physical and mental symptoms occur such as preoccupation with the lost person, guilt, restlessness, hypervigilance and difficulty sleeping (Myers, 1989).
- The abandoned spouse faces bereavement without the benefit of normal community support, without the custom of rituals, and often without an internal awareness that grieving will take place. This lack of awareness can lead to denial and, therefore, prolong the grief. In addition, the stigma and shame of being abandoned likely increases the isolation and lack of support.
- Emotional attachment is powerful, primal and confusing, as it can persist even if the relationship is no longer rewarding or healthy.
- The achievement of identity, therefore, must come before the achievement of intimacy, and intimacy with another is a sharing of one's identity. Intimacy as Erikson defines it is to lose and find one's self in another (Erikson, 1959). Intimacy with another human being, therefore, has a great impact on a person's identity. When this intimacy or attachment is severed, identity is enormously affected, just as Bowlby demonstrates through his attachment theory and idea of the need to reorganize.
- Because women are natural nurturers, a female`s identity has much to do with intimacy, therefore, her identity is strongly intertwined by bonding needs (Amanat & Wiebmer, 1985), therefore women may suffer more from spousal abandonment.
- Because men tend to isolate, and also are rewarded by society with status for being married, (regardless of whether or not the marriage is characterized as successful!), men also suffer uniquely from marital abandonment by losing status and connection.
While all divorce is difficult, it is evident from the above that sudden abandonment of a spouse is a particular kind of trauma. Therapists, rabbonim and family members of such spouses should take care to understand these considerations.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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