Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses an interesting protocol from Talmudic times:

עוד מנהג גדול היה בירושלים – מפה פרוסה על גבי הפתח; כל זמן שמפה פרוסה – אורחין נכנסין. נסתלקה המפה – אין האורחין נכנסין.

The baraisa continues: Another great custom that was followed in Jerusalem was that when one made a feast, there would be a cloth [mappa] spread over the entrance to the hall. As long as the cloth was spread, the guests would enter, as the presence of the cloth indicated that there was food for more guests. When the cloth was removed, the guests would not enter any more.

Ben Yehoyada notes that the custom runs against a common sense, non-verbal cue. A cloth over the doorway should indicate a disinvitation, while an open doorway should indicate a welcoming gesture. Ben Yehoyada says it was deliberately enacted via these counterintuitive signs in order to jolt the would-be guest into being attuned to subtle signs. Basically it’s saying, don’t assume an invitation is real, perhaps your host felt unduly pressured or obligated but really cannot afford it.  Do not just barge in; feel out the situation.

Ben Yehoyada’s idea embodies a particular kind of humility and mindfulness which we might say is part of the Yiddish word Eidelkeit. Eidelkeit is a disposition of courtesy, concern for others’ feelings and needs, tact and other refined qualities. I recall my father telling me a family legend about how when his grandmother was forced to abandon their homestead of hundreds of years due to the arrival of the World War I battle front, overrunning their shtetl, she swept the floor. “We don’t want the goyim to think we are slobs.” Imagine the internalized sense of nobility and self-respect. A horde of heathens are trampling and stealing your birthright, and what is your first instinct? – They shouldn’t think we are slobs. This is the opposite of victimization and self-pity even in the face of a crushing evil empire. 

Western culture values assertiveness and self interest over many other considerations, so our ancient traditions and attitudes of respect and magnanimity toward others can become eroded in the cult of self care. In the correct proportion, self care is psychologically vital. However, a form of self care is also dignity. Excessive focus on self care leads to self absorption and unhappiness. We are being sold and promised false goods and false gods. 

Many civilized and otherwise moral persons believe that advocating no-questions asked abortions on demand is the height of virtue, assuring the woman’s right to choose her body destiny. The same goes for ideas such as physician-assisted suicide. Yet these are beliefs and actions which are disrespectful of humanity’s divine purpose and value, and they desacralize life. This leads to a lack of self care coming from nihilism and lack of meaning. They wonder, “Why invest in life, the future and your children if nothing matters?

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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