Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes various oaths people make, apparently in anger to forswear social contact with another person. Silent Treatment is a human behavior that has been used throughout history to express discontent and shun others. Let us study this phenomenon.
According to researchers Agarwal and Prakash (“Psychological Costs and Benefits of Using Silent Treatment”, Journal of Research in Humanities and Social Science Volume 10 ~ Issue 4 (2022) pp: 49-54), Silent Treatment is:
- A range of behaviors which are purported to avoid verbal communication and ignore the other person. It is a very common phenomenon and researches have shown that about 75 percent of Americans have been at the receiving end of silent treatment, while 67 percent gave Silent Treatment to their loved ones (Faulkner, Williams, Sherman, & Williams, 1997). It is used in a variety of contexts, such as, within families, classrooms, organizations, military institutions, even political scenarios, and cultures throughout the world..
- Despite its debilitating effect, people are seen to use silent treatment which suggests that it must be reinforcing for them. Thus, it can be inferred that silent treatment may yield both troubling and rewarding experiences for the source.
What is Silent Treatment?
Williams (1997) describes silent treatment as a form of ostracism used in a close dyadic relationship where one of the individuals withdraws his/her attention and affection from the other.
Effects of Silent Treatment on the Target
According to the above article, Silent Treatment is found to have several harmful consequences:
- Even when used for short periods, silent treatment can cause social pain to the target which activates the same brain regions which are responsible for physical pain (Eisenberger, Lieberman, &Williams, 2003).
- Silent treatment can hurt even when it is received by a disliked outgroup member (Gonsalkorale & Williams, 2007) or by merely observing others being on the receiving end of the silent treatment (Wesselmann, Bagg, & Williams, 2009).
- Specifically, silent treatment threatens the four fundamental human needs - belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence (Williams, 2007, 2009).
- Individuals who remain at the receiving end of silent treatment for prolonged periods may experience loneliness, depression, physical health problems, and may succumb to the lost needs which may lead to learned helplessness (Baumeister & Leary, 1995; Cacioppo & Hawkley, 2003; Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008; Williams, 2001).
Causes of Silent Treatment
Though it may not be true objectively, people initiate silent treatment mostly out of unbearable frustration and desperation. It also is important to consider that it may be a learned pattern of sadistic punishment that was experienced in prior early relationships.
It was found from the interviews that anger and frustration were consistently and constantly found to be the general feelings of the participants. These emotions were the cause of using silent treatment and continued to be constantly present during the whole silent treatment episode. In spite of this feeling of anger, participants had to end their silence because they valued the relationship.
Silent Treatment is seductive because it can give a sense of power and control, and at least temporarily reduce conflict. However it is painful to the target and is difficult to recover from. It can even become addictive because it is effective in a certain way. Keep in mind, in interpersonal relationships, there are many aggressive actions we can take that might be “effective”, but that still are unkind and even abusive.
There is a specific kind of silent treatment which appears externally to be the same but is psychologically different. Sometimes a person is just overwhelmed and cannot communicate. This might be due to objective or subjective reasons, but the point is that the person is not doing it out of spite. In such situations, it is helpful to signal that you need time, that it is not out of spite, and when you will be able to re-engage. This is not silent treatment but rather strategic retreat.
Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation 
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