The sexual life of a couple changes throughout the life cycle, as both partners navigate life’s transitions including but not limited to new marriage, childbirth, raising teens, and caring for elderly parents. As couples enter middle age, they acquire new responsibilities personally, socially and professionally which can impact on their identities, such as work promotions or adjusting to new roles as grandparents. Over time some couples develop deeper intimacy and connection while others experience distancing, “growing apart” or frequent conflict.
There are many factors that contribute to changes in the couple’s intimate and sexual life around midlife. Some are of a practical nature, such as the challenge of finding time and space for making love in a home with older children wandering about at all hours. Some are more existential and have to do with finding value and meaning in sex that is unrelated to reproduction. Other influences have to do with physical, psychological or relational changes. Direct and open communication often helps couples to best navigate the effects of these changes on their sexual lives.
For Jewish observant couples who have followed the laws of niddah the flow and rhythm of sexual interactions have been determined by their menstrual cycle and the niddah framework. The laws may become a source of stress during the perimenopausal years when periods may be frequent and of longer duration, or random and unpredictable. Couples who experienced the cyclical nature of Taharat HaMishpacha as positively affecting their sexual lives and appreciated the monthly renewal of physical intimacy as a way to perpetuate passion and desire, may wonder how to keep the passion alive as they adjust to this new reality. Other couples, particularly those who did not find the laws enhancing to their sexual lives, will welcome the freedom from the on and off cycle of Taharat Hamishpacha or concerns about niddah constraints and ritual observances.
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