Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

March 6th, 2016

 NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE  “What do you think of us?” a reader asks me in an email. “I would love to read about how you and other therapists view us, your clients. Yes, we have issues to work on. Yes, we have waited too long to begin this journey. True, we are a work in progress. But, honestly, my friends and I (who are seeing therapis …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

November 12th, 2016

Couple counseling is fascinating work! If sitting in a room with one client is dynamic, imagine what it is like with two. The interesting part about couples work is that the couple, not the individuals, is the client. Sounds weird? It is a novel concept, but one that every therapist needs to bear in mind. Say I am seeing a woman for therapy and after a time, she decides she wants to bring in her husband for therapy. To work on her marriage. Soun …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

April 3rd, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BY LINKS, A MAGAZINE GEARED TOWARDS TEENS WHO HAVE FACED THE LOSS OF A PARENT Groa-a-a-an. If that’s your reaction to the idea of Pesach coming up, then this article is for you. Forget about the cleaning for Pesach. That’s not what you are dreading—although it just may not be your most favorite activity (mine neither; that’s why I start my Pesach cleaning two weeks before Pesach …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

January 17th, 2017

It's a shidduch. Plain and simple. And you got to do your research before walking into it. Or, before walking out of it. Therapist and client. And sometimes you have to be your own matchmaker. I reached out to my Nefesh listserv and asked 700 hundred therapists from around the United States, Canada and Israel to comment on what they think is important for a client to know about her therapist before committing to therapy. Even after they have a …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

February 18th, 2018

“Mindy,” I am sure you wondering, “Why are you writing articles on how relationships matter when you sound like you were pretty awful at relationships when you were a kid?” That is a great questions! My mother and my older sister, and my younger sister, and my brother, and my cousins who live in Israel and America, and my aunts and uncles, and all the kids on my block, and all their parents, and the kids in my classes fro …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

November 28th, 2016

Question: I grew up with a very critical father and I promised myself that I would never do that to my children. But here I am acting the same way. My children are doing well in school and I love them very much, so I am wondering if they are affected by my behavior. I know that it has affected me even though on the outside I look like a very successful teacher and parent. As a teacher, I also notice kids who seem unhappy but I don’t know i …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

May 14th, 2017

Once upon a time.... And they lived happily ever after... I loved those fairy tales as a kid. Everyone waving wands and poofing here and there with spells, slaying evil witches and giants, wearing seven-league boots (whatever those were), and generally living happily ever (except for the few dead casualties). I remember lying in bed at night and knowing—just knowing—that if I believe hard enough, and I wish at just the right time …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

April 16th, 2017

Once upon a time.... And they lived happily ever after... I loved those fairy tales as a kid. Everyone waving wands and poofing here and there with spells, slaying evil witches and giants, wearing seven-league boots (whatever those were), and generally living happily ever (except for the few dead casualties). I remember lying in bed at night and knowing—just knowing—that if I believe hard enough, and I wish at just the right time …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

March 13th, 2017

From: Sent: Monday, December 05, 2016 5:15 PM To: Mindy Blumenfeld
Subject: Question for therapy column Hi! Since I'm a teacher and sometimes act like a therapist to some of the teenagers I teach; I was very excited with the column you wrote this week! I teach in a school were the most of the girls are going through really tough challenges and struggling with yiddeshkeit at the same time. Some girls became really close to me and call/t …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

April 9th, 2018

Life Coaching vs Therapy READERS RESPOND The facts and viewpoints presented in Mindy Blumenfeld’s article on life coaching vs. therapy were sound, but the title was distracting, as it screamed “Opinion! Never ever! Non-discussion!” I had to delete that from my mind in order to go back and actually concentrate on the discussion presented. As someone who goes to both therapy and coaching, and as someone who is trained as a coach …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

January 14th, 2018

My column on the screaming sister in law garnered a heated response. Here is the one that was furious at me, and the rest who were furious at the letter writer for not understanding the pain of a child. Any comments from you?   Dear Mindy
Your articles are always informative, interesting , edifying , enlightening ,and self effacing . I've seen you write so many wise observations , you are obviously accomplished and very talented -both …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

September 2nd, 2018

  When I reminded my married son about the incident, he said, “I was six, Ma!” “But you apologized,” I said. “I did,” he said, laughing. “We became best friends.” My daughter-in-law looked at me quizzically. I explained. A mother in my son's class called to tell me that he and a bunch of other boys were teasing another boy about his weight. My son allegedly called him fatso. Of course I did not …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

May 15th, 2016

NOTE: Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this column articles depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, treatment in therapy may differ as it is individualized according the …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

May 22nd, 2016

Recap: Chava is assessed by her therapist in the first session for symptoms of post partum depression and/or anxiety and learns that she manages to hold onto to her secretarial job despite symptoms. Before Chava leaves the first session, she wants to know if she can ever achieve pre-baby functioning.   I owe Chava the truth, and I give it to her. “Yes, you can achieve the functioning you had before the baby. But it will take time.&rd …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

May 8th, 2016

NOTE: This is PART I of a six part fiction serial depicting post partum depression. Due to ethical and legal considerations, confidentiality is strictly upheld in social work practice; therefore this article depicting a therapy sessions is fiction. The characters and dialogue are solely imagined and not based on any clients so any similarities to anybody you know is purely coincidental. Although the information regarding post-partum is accurate, …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

October 15th, 2017

I don’t know about you, but I was always excited to start the first day of school. I loved my new shoes and new bag and new uniform (yep, I always loved uniforms because I did not have to think about what I had to wear. I personally hate shopping and would think it great if I could wear a mommy-uniform every day. Well, actually I do. Because my married daughter says, “Ma! You are still wearing that outfit from a hundred years ago? Yo …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 16th, 2016

I write this column to teachers and rebbes, principals and menahalim, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and family friends, and especially for the rav and rebbetzin. This column is about the borderline mother and to give her child a voice so we may hear and do. I will not talk of the borderline mother who is so dysfunctional that her dress disorderly, always in conflict with some one or another, alienating her family, her friends, often div …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

December 9th, 2017

I used to be a Kallah teacher, before I became a therapist. I found this article in my files, never published. I know that I tried to publish it in many venues only to have it turned down repeatedly. I assume that it is because no publication felt comfortable with such information in a public forum. This article is a little rough around the edges, but the content remains relevant today as it was ten years ago when I wrote it. So here it is:  …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 19th, 2018

  Co-dependent. Everyone uses the word without knowing what it really means. If somebody does not like the brother-in-law married to their sister, and miracles of miracles, their sister likes him anyway, the family is already labeling her co-dependent. And sometimes they may be right and sometimes they may be wrong. But what is certain is that nobody I know that has used this word to describe family members, their neighbors, or even themselv …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

February 27th, 2018

Question: We have three sons and then three daughters ranging in ages ten years to ten months. Our middle son who is eight wants to choose a costume with a secular theme for Purim. My husband and I feel that contradicts the message of Purim, which is not to assimilate with the non-Jewish culture. This child is a strong-minded, opinionated child and we do not want to necessarily begin a battle over this, but we feel it will be the first of many s …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 6th, 2018

  Question: Dear Mindy, I know this is not a question that can be really answered in a column, but I feel whatever light you can shed on this issue will benefit not only me but many of my single friends. I am a divorced 28 years old in shidduchim. As you can imagine, I am being redt the strangest suggestions. Even though I am a fairly mainstream Bais Yaakov-type of girl, teaching in a local high school, it's not only my age and divorce statu …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

April 18th, 2016

NOTE: A VARIATION OF THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN JEWISH ECHO MAGAZINE'S MONTLY COLUMN ASK-THE-THERAPIST I am so glad a reader sent me an email telling me I should write an article warning people about therapists. I am sure if a parent would send an email to the principal of her child's school informing him that he should broadcast the dangers of allowing children to attend school, or persuade her dentist to warn customers about the …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

December 31st, 2017

Confession here. Usually when I write a column, it is about therapy stuff that I know. And know well. Stuff that I have studied, stuff that I practice, things that I am seriously invested in. Today, I am going to talk about something I know nothing about. To be perfectly honest, the subject fascinates me, intrigues me, entices me. But yet, even though I three books on dreams in my office, including Sigmund Freud's epic work, The Interpretation o …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

July 3rd, 2016

Just for the record let me say that I am awed by our religious community. I should say communities, plural, but that would imply divisiveness and I am loath to put to paper any indication of that. Although we have our issues, I applaud our wonderful schools, menahalim and menahalos, principals and teachers who are dedicated, invested, and involved in their students' lives. I met a menahel of a yeshiva who told me how he keeps his eyes out for st …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

January 28th, 2018

In Part 1 of my column on egocentrism in relationships, I had written that when people have difficulties in relationships, I assess for egocentrism in either of the two people involved in the relationship (whether in my client or the other) in order to help my client manage this difficult relationship successfully. Do you know how easily I can assess that? Here's the secret. If a person says, “I don't understand my rebellious son/unfriendly …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

March 20th, 2016

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED BINAH MAGAZINE'S BI-WEEKLY COLUMN "THERAPY: A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE"    It sounds so voodoo, so New Age, so really, really weird. But hey, everyone is doing it now and any therapist who works with trauma has gotta know this stuff, and anyway I could always use the CE's (continuing education credits needed for periodic re-certification for social workers), so I figured, “Why not?” So I …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

September 11th, 2018

  “I can't forgive my parents,” clients tell me. “I can't forgive my son for what he did, or my daughter, my sister, my grandparent.” Others ask, “Do I need to forgive him? Do I need to forgive her?” I speak now not as a Rebbetzin giving a shiur on forgiveness, but as a therapist. On the psychological role of forgiveness. How forgiveness is different than acceptance. And how, in order to move on, to heal, …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 6th, 2016

Question: Every year when we return from the country,I have a lot of trouble getting my children back into normal routine. Do you have any advice on how to make this transition easier?   Answer: This problem is the bane of all teachers and principals. As I was once an elementary school teacher, I can attest to the work I put in all year into my students, how engaged and committed they were to school, and how much information and skills th …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 27th, 2018

  My husband's brother is going to jail for eighteen months and with good behavior will be out in about a year. This is devastating to our family. We are a very close family, and we had no idea that he was involved in some illegal, white-collar activities. When he was first arrested, the family raised money for his defense lawyer and did everything they could to help him. At this point, I am sick of everyone feeling sorry for him and being p …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

May 13th, 2018

Grandfathers have been really annoyed at me since my last column in Binah's Twirl Magazine where I write my quarterly column of “Relationships Matter.” Some have said, “Hey, Mindy, you spent a whole column writing about grandmothers. What are we, chopped liver?” I have no idea how my column about grandparents, ended up being only about grandmothers, because the truth is, I adored both my grandfathers to pieces (although t …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

July 14th, 2018

  Question: Every Shabbos Nachamu, my entire neighborhood leaves to the Catskill Mountains. They go to family or friends who have bungalows or summer homes there. It’s very hard for me to stay home with my family when I know that my sister-in-law has a large summer home that has plenty of room for all of us but can’t be bothered to invite us. In general I feel that she disdains our family for not being of her social (rich) calibe …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

November 5th, 2016

 Dear Mindy, (writes a teen whose father has died) I have heard the words “grief counseling” thrown around a lot and I wonder how it is different from regular therapy. Can you explain? I have never gone to a LINKS event because I really don’t enjoy talking about my loss or thinking about it. Other than that, I would consider myself to be a happy and well-functioning person. I have a friend who constantly pesters me and t …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

September 12th, 2016

Dear Mother.
Dear Father.
As your daughter's therapist, there is something I need to to tell you. Because when you come to my office with your teenager, you are in pain. Your child is in pain. And something needs to be done.
I believe that the parents of my clients love their child passionately. I pass no judgment as to why your child needs therapy. (I have made my own mistakes with my teenagers, and we have all lived to survive …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

August 30th, 2016

For those of you who are interested in a beautiful website geared to women and navigating a successful marriage--and divorce--here's a link. COUPLES THERAPY: WHEN SHOULD I SEEK HELP in an interview I gave that you will find on the website.  http://kol-isha.org/     …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

March 18th, 2018

NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S TEEN'S TWIRL  Because you are stuck here listening to me, I am going to tell you all about my niece who was the most absolutely adorable baby you have ever met in your whole entire life (no, I am not interested in your niece because there is no way anyone can ever compare with mine). She was deliciously fat, honey curls on her head, and a button nose perfect for kissing. I shlepped her …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

July 24th, 2016

Okay, so you want to know what's with the hug. The hug? Yep, the hug. The hug most clients want from their therapists whether or not they dare ask for it. Oh, that hug. It's a taboo subject, you know. It's not a something I would ask another therapist. Like, “Do you hug your clients?” because we are not supposed to be hugging clients. That's all in the literature. Go on line and try to find stuff on therapist hugging clients. It …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

October 30th, 2016

I love kids. Mine. The baby in the carriage on the checkout line in the grocery.' My nieces and nephews. My nieces' and nephews kids. The whole lot of them. Which is why my clients' babies often find themselves in session. When their mother can't find babysitters. When the hassle of a babysitter just makes getting to therapy that much harder. When my clients just want to show off their delicious blue or pink bundles. As a therapist, watching my …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

September 16th, 2017

To all my readers,  My apologies to all of you who emailed to me and contacted me one way or another to let me know how much you missed my blog and wondered when I would post again. Due to extenuating circumstances, I was unable to post consistently and so did not. However, as of this week, my blog will be attended to weekly as in the past. Thank you all for letting me know how much you cared it went AWOL. It won't happen again. Mindy …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

October 29th, 2017

So here is the deal. Your mother was sick. Stuff was tough. The house was upside down, your house was a hospital, take-out food was lousy. Everyone snapping all day at each other. Or it was different. Still terrible, but a different kind of terrible. Your father died suddenly. A car accident or a heart attack or an aneurysm. And the house was nuts even if the food at shiva was delicious. Thousands of people suffocating you, your friends mute and …
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Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW

June 18th, 2017

Let me tell you about a terrible thing I once did as a teacher. I worked for a kiruv school at one point, teaching junior high school to students who were mostly first and second generation immigrants of various countries. There was a silent hierarchy that had evolved in which second generation immigrant students held first generation immigrants in contempt. Worst off were the children who themselves were immigrants. The children had absolutely …
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