In My Mind (and on the couch)
Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
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A Selection Of Articles, Musings, And Information Detailing The Struggles Of The Ordinary Person; A Celebration Of The Individual's Resilience To Overcome Challenges And Live Authentically.
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Showing Results 1 - 40 (126 total)
Writing in Grief Work: an exercise for teens (and adults)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 4th, 2016
This article was originally used as a teleconference on the LINKS hotline, an organization that runs programs and support for teens whose parent(s) had died Did I ever mention that my best pieces of writing come out when I am dealing with something really hard? Well, it’s true. there’s this famous writer who once wrote something like how writing needs to be as strong as a hammer against the skull to wake us up. If all …
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Writing as a tool in therapy: another List poem idea
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 4th, 2016
Note: This article was originally written in Twirl, the teen publication in Binah Magazine. Another way to engage client writers to examine their behavior--I actually find many writers finding their way to me for therapy because they connect to my writing and use writing as part of their therapy naturally....so here's another: You know how people talk about dirt or stains like they have personality? Something like, “That stain on my …
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Why Do People Become Sheeple?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 2nd, 2017
My daughter called me from her seminary in Israel. “As the only chassidish girl in seminary,” she informed me, “probably the only chassidishe girl these seminary girls have ever met in their lives, I have become the spokesperson for all of chassidish women in the world.” I laughed. “I need to explain everything to them,” she said. “Whatever I do that’s different, they need to understand. So whateve …
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Who's Who in Therapy: those confusing initials demystified
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 18th, 2016
So I just came back from the Nefesh Conference this week. Whew. Lots of fun. Lots of new information. Lots of new people! Nefesh International is a Jewish Orthodox organization for mental people—oops! I mean for professionals in the field of mental health (like me), and rabbis who are involved with the issues our communities are confronted with daily. Believe it or not, Nefesh spans the world and has branches not only in the USA but also i …
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When Your Kid Loses a Friend: Social Trauma
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
August 28th, 2016
Sometimes, I cannot breathe with their pain. When I was a teenager, I lived the social misery of worrying about friends. If I had them. If I lost them. What to do at any given second of time to keep them. So I am no stranger to the social drama that makes up high school. But I absolutely do not remember ever feeling the complete feeling of annihilation my clients are describing in the drama of their social lives. And I do not say this flip …
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When You Are In Shidduchim...and Therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 1st, 2016
NOTE: THIS WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE There are two categories of people with whom I really need to have a heart-to-heart talk. And it may be you I am talking to, so listen up. Lots of people are in therapy today. No, I am not getting into a discussion about why there are more people than ever today in therapy. All I am going to say on the subject is that people are refusing to be miserable any more than is strictly necessa …
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When We Are Betrayed by Teachers and Mentors
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 28th, 2017
I love teachers. I was a teacher for loads of years before I became a therapist. Sometimes I was a great teacher, sometimes lousy. I loved my students to pieces. I found them funny and interesting and lively and smart. I also found them a handful. They exhausted me, challenged me, irritated me. I miss the classroom. I miss the passion and excitement and butterflies in my stomach from sheer nervousness of walking int o a classroom loaded with tee …
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When I Was a Nobody: followers and leaders
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 4th, 2017
The year is ending. College. Seminary. High School. Novices as work or internships. And the question is: will you lead with what you know or will you be a follower forever? Thirty years ago, entering seminary in Eretz Yisroel, I remember the incredibly liberating feeling of being a nobody. I had been accepted (by the skin of my teeth) to a prestigious seminary in Yerushalayim and I was surrounded by the G.O presidents of every school, the …
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When I am Afraid: What's this CBT Stuff Anyway?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 5th, 2016
Question: I am even afraid to ask my question, because I don’t think I want to hear the answer. But lately, I can’t drive in tunnels. I work in Manhattan and I always drive there. A few weeks ago, I got stuck in a tunnel for a few hours. Now, there is no way I take the tunnel. I don’t really mind because I can take the bridge, but now I realize that I avoid going to the grocery store and rather send my daughters to buy what I n …
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When Force is a GOOD FORCE: getting the reluctant client into therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 5th, 2017
They come into my office and they stonewall me. You know who I mean. You know what I mean. The teenager who sits in the chair, grumpy. Refusing to engage. Like, “You dragged me here and I am here, but don't even think I am going to do anything else in here.” Yep. And the spouses—usually the husband—who acts the same way. And that's when they actually come into the therapy room. What about all those children, teens, and ad …
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When Death Can Be Deadly
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 17th, 2017
The moment we are are born, we are already one second closer to our deaths. Which is why it seems to make little sense that we live in denial that it will occur, or we strive strenuously to avoid any reminder or sense of it. We speak of it in hushed tones, we think we must shield children from it, we quiet the voices in our head by pretending moisturizer or botox or a new car will save us from the inevitable. When I was a new therapist in pri …
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When Cockroaches are Guests and Guests Feel Like Cockroaches
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 26th, 2016
Note: This article was originally published in LINKS Magazine, published by LINKS, an organization that offers support, retreats, teleconferences, Shabbatons/get-together and other services for teens who have lost a parent(s). I am totally not interested in your kvetching about your Yom Tov horror stories being guests in other people's homes, because right now I am going to tell you MY horror stories being a guest every single, bingle Shabbos an …
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When a Father is Missing: (dead or alive)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 25th, 2017
Mothers have been getting a bad rap in my column. The borderline. The narcissist. And I think it’s about time we give everybody equal opportunity here and let the guys be bashed for once. Heads up all you males who read my columns; this one’s about you! Yes, there are borderline fathers. Most certainly there are narcissistic fathers. There are plenty of lousy fathers (a round of applause out there to the fathers who are doing a prett …
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When a Father Dies, and so Does the Passover Seder
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
April 2nd, 2017
This beautiful piece was written by my teen client who allowed me a glimpse into her pain, and wanted to share it so that others can understand the impact of a father-loss. Pesach is probably the hardest time for a fatherless family. Because it's all about the father and the child and the seder. Here are her words: Originally published in Binah Magazine Totty. Dark, untidy frizzes border his soft, pale face. He is my father…..my dear fath …
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What's the Deal with the Egocentric Person in my Life?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 20th, 2018
Relationships.
If you want to know the number one reason people enter therapy, it’s because of relationships. Sure, they will tell you they are having panic attacks. They will talk about hating school. You will hear the struggle to find a job, to get accepted to seminary, to find a shidduch, to be organized, overcome trauma, or dozens and dozens other presenting issues with which people enter therapy. But do some digging, and everythi …
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What Your Therapist Knows Even When You Don't Say a Word! the here-and-now of therapy
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 18th, 2016
My sister-in-law, who I love dearly, meets me on the street. “We were just talking about you,” she tells me, “and this is what we want to know. Do you analyze people? I mean, like when you meet friends, or me, on the street?” I laughed. And I told her the truth. No, I don't do that. And I also told her the absolute truth about me. That I am seriously the worst person to be a social worker. Because therapy is all about rea …
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What Type of Husband Does My Daughter Really Need?: A parent asks the therapist
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 2nd, 2017
Question: This past bein hazmanim has been the first time we were actively involved in shidduchim for our oldest daughter who has just returned from seminary and it sounds terrible to say but I am relieved that she did not get engaged. It was a nightmare. Although my wife and I have a different way of looking at things, for the most part, until this parshah of shidduchim, we have managed to work things out. But I don't know how we will navigate …
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Vamoosing on Vacation
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 1st, 2017
We felt like kids again. When we walked in to our writing workshop one evening, our group leader had pulled out her sand tray and displayed a variety of miniatures for us to work with a la sand play therapy. “Create your vacation,” she urged us at the end of our workshop, and we did. Yocheved put herself on a secluded beach, a book near her, some food, and as she pondered the little menchies, debated whether or not her children were …
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Ungrateful Child, Look How Much I Do for You! : The Narcissistic Mother Part I
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 10th, 2017
Shabbat is here. Mothers all over the world are cleaning, cooking, inviting married children, and babysitting grandchildren. Some are overworked, some are harried, some are a little frustrated at their married children who leave plates in the sink and let their children run wild at six in the morning. But overall, the home feels warm and inviting, the grandchildren loved and cossetted. & …
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Trick or Treatment?: a look at alternative healing practices
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 21st, 2018
Ever hear the phrase evidence based treatment? If you haven't, you should get to know it. And know it well. Because every time you go for treatment, whether it's for a physical ailment or a mental one, the only treatment you should be ethically receiving is one that is evidence based to produce positive results. And in the worst case scenario, the evidence at least lets you know that even if there's no proof that it works on whatever it is …
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To My Teenage Fans: here's an article for you
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 28th, 2017
NOTE: This is the introductory article I wrote for my new column in Binah's Teen Magazine, Twirl that comes out quarterly. It's about relationships and has a bit of therapy in it... People think that because I am a therapist, I should know everything. My kids totally crack up that people think I know anything because I am their mother and they know that I know nothing. Obviously my kids are teenagers. So this column is to check out what I …
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Things Parents Want to Know About Their Teens in Therapy Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
September 18th, 2016
Hello Mother. Hello Father. So you read Hello Muddder, Hello Fadder and now you want to know more. Glad you are back. As a therapist for teens, it's always important when parents collaborate in a teen client's treatment. But it's a confusing situation. For the teenager who is unhappy. For the parents who often have no idea what is going on, what went wrong, or how to help their child. There are no magic answers. But the role of the therapist is …
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Therapy Shmerapy: My new book!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 23rd, 2017
In THERAPY, SHMERAPY; Demysifying Therapy Even for Those Who Don't Need It, you are in for a revealing session behind the closed doors of the therapy room. As a popular columnist, therapist Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW, has been dazzling her audience in Binah Magazine and on her blog. Here is the real story of therapy: honest, eye-opening, sharp, and often funny. In this collection of thought-provoking essays you will find out what is therapy; who need …
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Therapize me, therapize me not: here's my response to Mentor Betrayals
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 26th, 2017
Did I ever mention how I love controversy? Nah, right? Did I ever mention how much I love all my readers? The ones who turn to my column first each Monday morning, but especially the ones who hate my columns but somehow, even if they refuse to read them, have astonishing x-ray vision that allows them access to my articles enough to write angry letters to me and to my editors about them. Yep, I love you all. And really, I respect you even more. F …
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Therapize me, therapize me not: a partial response to angry letters
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 19th, 2017
To my darling, dearest readers...even the ones who hate me and send your angry letters straight to the editor with specific instructions to fire me as a Binah columnist...I love you all. You make my life exciting and varied and keep me on my toes! The flood of emails in response to my column “Therapize me, Therapize me not: when teachers and mentors betray us” validated the purpose of the column. Thank you teachers who acknowledged t …
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Therapist & Client: Relationship Ruptures & Repair
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 18th, 2017
In another lifetime, I was a seventh grade teacher. Over the course of the years, there were two students I felt I had wronged and bided my time, seeking an opportunity to set things right. When the two of them had graduated twelfth grade, I tracked them both down and apologized for my youth, my inexperience, my mistakes, and for the impact of my actions. Both seemed indifferent to my apologies, and I still wonder if there is something I can do. …
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Therapeutic Relationships and surprising stuff you might want to know!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
May 27th, 2018
Here's another one, People. Yep. Another column about the therapeutic relationship. Because I went to this phenomenal workshop a couple of weeks back and as I was listening to the John Norcross speak (he wrote some great books on the therapeutic relationships), I thought, “Hey, clients should be hearing this!” (Have you ever noticed that whenever I attend a workshop, a column about what I learned emerges? Not only are you getting fre …
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The Ungrateful Child Fights Back: The Narcissistic Parent Part 2
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
July 16th, 2017
So how was your Shabbos? Didn't know you had a narcissistic mother, did you? Or spouse? Or somebody-or-other in your life? Until you read Part 1 of the Narcissistic Mother in my column. And now you are blown away with understanding what you have lived with until now. Why you have always blamed yourself, lost confid …
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The Tiger, My Cousin Esti, and a Ring: What is Resourcing?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 20th, 2016
The great thing about being a social worker is I always have an excuse why I need to learn new things. I blame it on my clients. Which is why I felt perfectly justified skipping supper one evening and hopping into Toby's car, joining her and Chaya on their five hour trek to Boston to hear Laurel Parnell speak about attachment-based EMDR the next day. For those of you who remember, EMDR is a type of therapy that works with bilateral stimulation t …
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The Screaming Sister-in-Law: What to do?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
January 7th, 2018
QUESTION: I have a sister in law who is an outgoing and loving person. She's the type who many of my sisters in law call when they need validation-- she really listens well. She also really listens to her kids (or so it seems!) many times and makes sure they get all the help they need. However, she has a serious anger issues. I'm older than her and it seems to be that I'm the only one that sees its detrimental effects on her children …
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The Dowser Speaks about Alternative Treatment (and my response)
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 28th, 2018
In response to ‘Evidence Based Treatment’ M. Blumenfed 19th Tamuz5778 Given the respect Mrs Blumenfeld garns as a world-class social worker, therapist and author, her opinions on alternative therapy are all the more so, surprising. The facts are, that scientific research has been made on alternative practices. Dr Bernard Grad of Mc Gill University, Montreal, conducted a study (with several control groups) which conclusively pro …
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The Borderline Mother Responds: and I apologize
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
August 21st, 2016
Of all my columns, my article on mothers with borderline personality disorder has evoked the most passionate responses. Teens and adult children of mothers BPD thanked me for validating their experiences and giving them a voice. Mothers, recognizing for the first time their behavior in terms of a possible BPD diagnosis, reached out for help. And then I received two more emails from mothers with BPD. And I owe them a public apology. Because in my …
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The Bipolar Problem
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 5th, 2016
There are no easy answers. But what I try to do in these columns about therapy is to at least raise the questions. To build awareness. So that readers can make educated choices instead of experiencing panicked reactions. Sometimes, parents bring a teen into therapy with symptoms like decreased need for sleep, risk-taking behaviors, and racing thoughts. It is important, when a teen's behavior changes drastically—or appears to change drastic …
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Thank you for Reading My Blog
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 16th, 2018
Enjoy the articles already posted on this website and those published before 2016 at frumtherapist.com as well. Thank you all for reading my blog but I will no longer be posting. If you want to read more of my articles, you can keep updated through Binah Magazine which publishes my columns on therapy bi-weekly in the main magazine, and I have another teen column in Twirl, which is published bi-monthly as a Binah teen supplement. I also write essa …
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Teletherapy: Whattsap, Gmail, Skype, Zoom, and other funny words
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
November 6th, 2017
Telehealth. Telepractice. Teletherapy. New Age words for New Age therapy. Welcome to the modern world where not only can you shop for clothing, gadgets and shoes from the comfort of your home, but you can do the same for a therapist. You are not surprised, are you? But it is a new concept that seems quite odd at first. This article is only to educate consumers about this new medium of telehealth. Receiving your doctor's care from your home or …
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Summer Sore Loser: How to help you daughter this summer
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
June 17th, 2018
WRITTEN FOR TWIRL, BINAH MAGAZINE'S TEEN SUBSECTION Cheaters are the worst kinds of people. So are sore losers. Cheaters and sore losers. Whether you are sleep away camp or day camp, you know exactly who I mean. Those girls that need to cheat to win every game. Those girls who are the biggest sore losers if they don't. I mean what is their pro-o-o-blem? So what if they are out at jumprope? So what if they are out at machayanim—or dodgeball …
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Stuff I Don't Know About Teens But Need to Say Anyway
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
December 11th, 2016
Today I am just talking out loud. I do not have answers, only questions. I have no statistics, no research, no hard core data. I am not part of a fact-finding team, nor an expert in this field. I am simply a therapist who is working with teens and I am sad. Really, really sad. I wish I can blame someone for what is happening. Parents would be perfect. Rebbeim or teachers. Principals or menahalim of schools and yeshivas. It would be so convenient …
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Speak Up! Tell Your Therapist Like It is!
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
October 9th, 2016
You would think a therapist would have all the answers about therapy. Sounds true, but it's not. The person who knows the most about the therapy is the person IN therapy. The client. You. Yep. You. So you can ask me questions, and I can answer them. And I can pretend I know everything (I don't, but don't ever let my clients—or husband—or kids for that matter—EVER hear that !) but really, I believe that my clients know best abou …
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Siblings in Grief: How grief affects siblings differently
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
March 27th, 2016
NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FOR LINKS MAGAZINE, AN ORGANIZATION THAT ENRICHES THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND TEENS WHO HAVE LOST PARENT(S) I don't know about you, but I really, really, really could not stand my little sister. I thought she was a kvetch, a nudge,a tattletale, and a big pain in the neck (and in other places I won't identify here!). She was also adorable, funny, smart, and lovable. She was seven years younger than me, …
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Should My Daughter Work in an Office?
Author: Mindy Blumenfeld, LCSW
February 3rd, 2018
Question: A while back you wrote a column about going to work in an office versus teaching. Can you address the issues that can occur in an office? If my daughter doesn’t care where she works, in an office or in a school, is there a reason to guide her towards teaching rather than an office that may not be a good place for a frum girl? I am asking this question because we live in a community where the girls are not encouraged to go on to s …
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