Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 22nd, 2016

  In the course of a couple’s lifecycle, medical conditions, chronic illnesses or diseases can become a reality for one or both partners. While medical practitioners offer guidance and treatment for the purpose of improving health and quality of life, questions regarding the effect of illness, medications and other treatments on sexual health and functioning often remain unaddressed.   The reasons for this are many, and include th …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 1st, 2017

Couples seeking sex therapy, often indicate that a lack of sexual desire by one of the partners, more often than not, the woman, is the presenting problem. They often look for a behavioural solution, perhaps hormone treatments, exercises, bedroom gadgets or a libido boosting pill can ‘fix’ the problem for the low-desire partner

Certainly many factors can contribute to low desire in women. Hormonal changes, particularly aft …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 11th, 2017

  Originally posted in Kol-Isha on 9.1.17 Depending on your background, you may be hearing shidduch recommendations, a friend may set you up, or you may even meet someone at a simcha. In many frum communities, long-term dating is not the norm and many young women feel pressured to ‘decide’ to get engaged after only a handful of meetings. Frequently, the match is encouraged by parents and shadchanim and outside acquaintances, …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 23rd, 2017

Originally posted in the Times of Israel   The wedding season is upon us, and along with tending to the details of invitations, dresses, flowers and music, many engaged couples prepare for marital life by attending private or group classes with a premarital instructor. In addition to teaching the laws of family purity and mikvah (the ritual bath), many instructors provide some sexual education and instruction and tips for ‘shlom bayit, …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 9th, 2017

First appeared in The Eden Center blog Mazal tov! Your child is engaged and amidst the hustle and bustle of choosing gowns, wedding hall, flowers and caterer, you want to be able to talk to your son or daughter about the upcoming marriage – not just the wedding. If the topics of relationships, intimacy and sexuality have been part of the overall dialogue in your home, then speaking freely and openly with your children as they embark upon th …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 18th, 2017

First published in Times of Israel Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a serious condition that can affect individuals after being directly or indirectly exposed to a traumatic, life-threatening event. The symptoms of PTSD are intrusive. They include flashbacks and nightmares and difficulties with concentration and sleep. People with PTSD tend to easily get anxious and irritated. Because they become easily triggered, they may avoid crowds …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 16th, 2017

There are various terms used to describe the newly non-religious. The popular term used in here Israel is “datlash” which, in Hebrew, stands for ‘dati le’sheavar’ or ‘formerly religious’. “Off the Derech” (OTD) meaning, off the path, or way, is the term frequently used in American Orthodox communities. The decision to abandon a religious lifestyle can involve a combination of factors ranging f …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 24th, 2018

First published in Times of Israel Several years ago, I shared my Ten Tips for Raising Sexually Healthy Orthodox Sons. In my seventh tip, “Explain that sexual arousal is a natural part of being human,” I alluded to the existential conflict of healthy young men whose options for sexual expression are limited until marriage. I believed this conveyed a modestly cloaked message to parents to educate their sons that, despite proh …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

Intimate Judaism is a new podcast where a rabbi and therapist discuss intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in the context of Jewish family life and Torah observance. We raise conflicts and challenges and candidly offer solutions while remaining firmly within the bounds of Torah and Halacha. Do you have unanswered questions about Judaism, sexuality and intimacy? Do you want your children to get a better sex education than the one you receiv …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

While male masturbation is unequivocally prohibited under Jewish law, this prohibition often creates serious conflict and guilt in the religious and private lives of young Orthodox men, with serious long-term consequences. In this episode of Intimate Judaism, Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum discuss this important topic, and attempt to outline how parents, teachers, and children should navigate the dual tracks of strengthening a commitment to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

Parents who are part of the Halachic community must balance the messages children hear from the outside world with the Torah values they are taught at home and in school. How can we achieve this balance so that our kids respect the Halachic attitudes toward sex, while also growing into sexually healthy adults? Is there a way to use media in order to educate? How does our use of language convey appropriate or inappropriate messages? Join Talli Ros …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 7th, 2018

 How do we give our kids the right message so that they will be able to experience intimacy in marriage?. What is the connection between growing up in a safe and secure environment, and the ability to experience pleasure in the context of marital intimacy? Why is it necessary to avoid judging our children, even when we disagree with their decisions? What do we mean when we try to teach them about intimacy? And how can our relationship with G …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 28th, 2018

As human beings, we are wired for connection. When we connect emotionally with a member of the opposite sex, and experience attraction, and/or affection, the desire for intimate touch is a natural instinct. In society at large, this desire is understood to be moderated by social rules that include determining availability, and mutual consent and should include communication about boundaries and prevention of pregnancy when applicable. According t …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 13th, 2018

  Intimate Judaism’s most recent episode, ‘Shomer Negiah: Premarital Sexual Activity and Jewish Values,” generated plenty of comments, discussion, and disagreement. In this bonus episode, Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address listener comments, and expand on the differences between guilt and shame, whether a person “has to” consult a rabbi before making a Halachic decision, the consequences of non-Halachi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 9th, 2018

Many couples await the wedding night with anticipation and excitement, as they are finally permitted to express their desire for one another and to consummate their relationship.  For some couples, however, the wedding night, and sometimes the weeks and months thereafter, can be a source of anxiety and distress, and represents an obligation they struggle to “perform successfully.” How do couples negotiate the transition from abst …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 7th, 2018

    In his recent analysis of the “#MeToo earthquake,” Rabbi Avi Shafran, Agudath Israel of America’s director of public affairs, bemoans the “supposedly enlightened, progressive, post-patriarchal society, with its proud claim to value and respect women,” and questions how we can expect men to respect women who dress and behave immodestly. In contrast, he asserts that sexual abuse is “relatively rare& …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 6th, 2018

  In the Talmud, (Nedarim 20a-b) Rabbi Yochanan Ben Dabai provides some advice about marital sex that he received from ministering angels. Children are born lame, he relates, because, the parents  "turned the table upside down" for intercourse. They are born mute because of kissing 'that place' (the genitals),  are born deaf because the parents spoke during intercourse, and are born blind due to the man looking at his wif …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 11th, 2018

  Tamar and Avi are an American couple in their late thirties who made aliya to Israel two years ago with their four children.  They presented to couple therapy in distress. They reported that they argued frequently about their children, their in-laws, household tasks and money. Tamar said she felt that Avi took her for granted and had no idea what her life was like.  Avi complained, “We hardly ever have sex.” After a m …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 20th, 2018

I recently received the following question from a therapist:   “Is there a norm as to how often religious couples should engage in sex?  The question comes specifically from a woman who has reached menopause and is no longer a niddah. Husband wants often, she prefers less frequently, but wants to be a “good wife”.   My answer was as follows:   The standard answer to this question is that there is no dete …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 8th, 2019

Sexual relations are considered to be a meaningful aspect of Jewish marriage. Sex is a positive commandment for procreation, and it is considered  a negative commandment for a man to withhold his wife's "onah", understood to mean, her entitlement to sex. (שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע" (שמות, כ"א, י' Food, clothing and sex, he should not withhold from her A woman is expected to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

February 14th, 2019

Many people are taught that following Taharat HaMishpacha – the laws of family purity – keeps a marriage fresh, and adds passion to a couple’s sexual relationship. Often, this is true, but many times, it’s not. Some couples find that Taharat HaMishpacha adds a tremendous strain to their relationship. Are there solutions within Halacha? What should a couple in this situation do? Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn speak wi …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 19th, 2019

Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn address your questions in this special Q&A episode of Intimate Judaism. Among the issues they deal with are homosexuality and Orthodoxy, Halacha’s attitude toward sterilization via tubal ligation or vasectomy, whether we should encourage our children to talk to kids of the opposite gender, and more. You can listen to the episode here …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

April 10th, 2019

Sexual exclusivity is a core value of Jewish marriage. Extramarital sexual contact – infidelity – represents not only a breach of Jewish law, but also a rupture of the couple’s loyalty and trust. While sexual intercourse with another person is almost universally considered adultrous behavior, how do couples define what they consider to be a betrayal? Is texting, having lunch with a member of the opposite sex, or flirting conside …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 3rd, 2019

Humans  long for intimacy and are wired to connect. Most individuals desire to experience a meaningful partnership that includes feeling secure, understood and loved.  Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love  with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction,  playfulness and sometimes, even as a spiritual connection. Experiencing this  involves  letting go, feeling secure while taking risks, being …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 23rd, 2019

What happens when couples disagree over religious observance? When one spouse decides that he or she no longer wants to be observant? Is there a way to reach an understanding? Join Talli and Scott as we discuss these issues on the season finale of Intimate Judaism! To listen to the season finale episode of Intimate Judaism click here …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 19th, 2019

“It’s not good for man to be alone.” Living a traditional Jewish life implies marriage and raising a family. Sexual intimacy is highly valued, but only within the framework of a marital bond. However, whether due to the “shidduch crisis,” rising divorce rates, or other circumstances, our communities include many individuals who haven’t married, or are widowed or divorced. What are the experiences of singles in …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 2nd, 2019

First published in Times of Israel The relationship between God and the Jewish people is dynamic and complex, taking many forms in different contexts and periods. At times, God is referred to as the king and ruler, an object of authority and control whose judgment we fear. At times, He is our father in heaven, from whom we expect nurturing and protection. And some texts, such as the romantic Song of Songs, illustrate God and the Jewish people as …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 2nd, 2019

During the month of Tishri, we engage in a process of Tshuva; self-reflection and repentance. Through prayer, we repair our relationships and connect with God, with ourselves, and with those we may have hurt. In this mini episode, join Rabbi Scott Kahn and Talli Rosenbaum as they discuss how the basic elements of the tshuva process can serve as a model for healing and repairing our relationships with ourselves and the significant others in our li …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

October 17th, 2019

The World Association of Sexual Health Congress met recently in Mexico City. Though I was unable to attend due to the Jewish Holidays, I was pleased to receive the following declaration, which discusses pleasure as a basic fundamental right. The statement is as follows: The participants of the 24th World Congress of the World Association for Sexual Health in Mexico City: RECOGNIZE that: Sexual pleasure is the physical and/or psychological satisfa …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 12th, 2019

Outercourse refers to sexual activity without intercourse. Couples may want to engage this way to experience alternative lovemaking options, or may need to because intercourse is painful or uncomfortable. Does Jewish law permit couples to choose what they do in the bedroom, even if it consciously involves extra-vaginal ejaculation? Join Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn here as they respectfully discuss, and at times debate, this sensitive top …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 26th, 2019

Is sexual pleasure considered an important value in Judaism? What place does sex for pleasure have in a healthy marriage?  Join Talli and Scott here for a frank and open discussion about these and many other questions. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

January 30th, 2020

“Sex is not something you ‘have’ but rather an expression of an intimate and erotic energy that a couple mutually shares.”   This quote, from the recently released book, I Am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples by co-authors Talli Rosenbaum and David Ribner, reflects the theme that a passionate marriage is about cultivating a loving, emotionally intimate relationship.       …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 2nd, 2020

Our sense of self is largely defined by our system of values and spiritual identity, along with many other aspects of the self, including our physical, cognitive, intellectual, professional and relational parts. We are also sexual human beings, and are wired to be curious about sexuality and to develop an interest and longing for sexual expression.   Religious sources teach that “straying after our hearts and eyes” is prohibited. …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

March 25th, 2020

  The Coronavirus has affected how we live, how we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch and intimacy. The world at large has had to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with distancing measures that are increasing daily. Couples are facing a new reality: confinement at home, the need to keep children occupied and help them cope with stress and uncertainty, as well as provide comfort and reassurance to one another. H …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

May 12th, 2020

The Netflix series, “Unorthodox”,  has generated a great deal of discussion and debate. Dozens of op-eds and blogs have been published and various Zoom panels created to discuss the authenticity, or lack thereof, of Hassidic life, marital customs, and sexuality. This makes sense, as the intimate lives of Hassidic Jews, particularly as presented in Hollywood -esqe style,  is likely to arouse legitimate curiosity as well as pr …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

June 9th, 2020

Whether biologically or socially influenced, classic definitions of masculinity assign to men the traits of ambitiousness, competitiveness and a fairly uncomplicated and constant desire for sex. Contemporary culture, largely influenced by pornography, depicts men as sexually assertive whose masculinity is determined by their sexual performance and measured by the frequency of their sexual conquests.   In contrast, our Jewish sources teach us …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

August 6th, 2020

The Netflix series “Unorthodox” inspired two Intimate Judaism ZOOM panels on female and male sexuality respectively. Our panel on male sexuality included discussion of the expectations on observant men to live up to contemporary societal definitions of masculinity. Men are expected to exercise full restraint over forbidden thoughts and actions, yet be obligated to perform sexually with one’s wife. This may contribute to feelings …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

September 23rd, 2020

Intimacy and sexual experiences are so closely connected with a person’s sense of identity, and so seldom discussed in many religious communities, that they often are the source of tremendous feelings of guilt.
When are these feelings misplaced and when do they serve a constructive purpose?
How should a religious individual manage his experience of guilt?
Is there a way to reframe the experience of shame or guilt in order to …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 1st, 2020

  Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and revolves around sexual practices that focus on creating a deep, intimate connection. It is a meditative sexual practice that encourages people to focus on the connections between the mind, the body, and the soul. It is intended to lead to fulfilling sexual experiences and greater intimacy.

Taoism is a system of traditional beliefs from China. Taoists believe that when a man ejacul …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 9th, 2020

Harav Binyamin Lau, community leader, author, teacher, and former Rabbi of the Ramban Synagogue in Jerusalem, recently introduced a document providing guidance for members of the religious LGBTQ community and their families. This document is a collection of recommendations that, according to Rav Benny, “Do not permit prohibitions or prohibit things that are permitted,” but seek to pave the way to integrate one’s identity with re …
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