Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 11th, 2024

One of the things that I like to do is to refresh the weatherproofing on my deck. So, I made the trip to Home Depot to buy the right can and paint roller to do the job.  As I was checking out at the paint department, I commented to the attendant that whenever I opened these types of cans, I always ruined them in the process and was unable to reseal the still half full containers. The attendant, Jim, asked me how I typically opened the paint …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 16th, 2024

A happy marriage, like any relationship, can only endure if we get good at apologies. It is critical to both be able to give and to receive an apology. Interestingly, when Dr. Gary Chapman studied couples, he found that there are five different apology languages. That is, five different styles of expressing, “I have done wrong to you, please forgive me.” It is important to pay attention to what style resonates with you and what style …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 5th, 2022

  It was about a half-hour into a marriage mediation session when the challenge became very apparent to me. In all areas of life – for both husband and wife – it was all or nothing. There was considerable need for a vacation, but only a fully planned vacation would do. There was need for increased communication, but only a full-fledged DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation) would be sufficient. I asked their permission to introduce a …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 1st, 2024

Compliments lubricate the marriage. If there are compliments flowing regularly between husband and wife, then the touchy situations that come up are just a little bit less squeaky and far more manageable.  In my marriage mediation practice I find that some people have trouble giving compliments because things aren't so perfect, and others have trouble receiving compliments, often because they don’t realize how important compliments are …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

April 17th, 2023

Over my years of teaching, many teacher stories have been shared with me. Some have been instructive, some less so. But the one about Horowitz is one that I like to remind myself of. A teacher walks into class on the first day of the school year. The students get quiet as they anticipate the start of a new lesson and a new school year. The teacher asks, “Which one of you is Horowitz?” One boy raises his hand. The teacher declares, &ld …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

January 10th, 2023

  The call came in at 2:05 a.m. The 911 operator who took the call was a veteran of many years. He intoned with a mixture of compassion and authority, “Do you have an emergency?” But the caller couldn’t talk. Over the phone line came choking sobs. To the operator it sounded a bit like gasps for air. Or was it shock and panic that the operator was hearing? The sobbing, gasps, and attempts to talk in a hushed tone continued, …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

November 8th, 2022

Doni, a friend of mine since high school, sidled up to me in the supermarket one day and said he wanted to talk. He related that years ago he had been visiting Israel and saw a man outside Yericho who was giving camel rides. He approached the man and asked, “How much do you charge to go up on the camel?” The man replied good-naturedly, “It is free.” The price was right, so Doni took a deep breath and courageously proceeded …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 4th, 2024

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a book I am fond of both for its content and for its wise title. Too often, even professionals think that mediation means looking at the claims of the two parties and meeting in the middle. Splitting the difference just seems so fair. The author, a former FBI hostage negotiator, notes that such mediation would mean that in a hostage situation of four, law enforcement would bargain for two?! And if ranso …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 9th, 2024

One of the most common pieces of marriage advice is that marriage requires compromise. Simply put, compromise means that you won’t get everything you want. For example, you might be a saver and your spouse a spender. You wish to put a lot into savings each month, and your spouse would rather spend and live in the present. So, you might compromise as to how much money to put into savings or retirement each month, saving a lesser amount that …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 18th, 2024

Several years ago, my brother bought us a wonderful “Uncle Gift,” a ping pong table. The children adored it and spent many fun hours with it. As time went on, we found a way to get even more fun from the game of ping pong. Instead of playing for points, we decided to simply play as if both players were on the same team, trying to keep the volley going as long as possible. What emerged, when we stopped playing for points, is that both …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

June 4th, 2023

The famous Biblical commentator, Rabbi Avraham ibn Ezra, once heard of a very special manuscript which described in detail the proper melody for reading biblical text. He was so excited that he traveled to the neighboring province in an effort to study it, despite the fact that a war was raging in the area. During his travels, he was apprehended by one of the factions and was accused of being a spy. The kindly rabbi insisted that he was a scholar …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 18th, 2022

It was during my post graduate studies that I found myself one day in the home of my mentor. We were sitting together, Rebbe (revered teacher) and I, studying at his dining room table. I don’t recall the reason for the personal session or what topic we were studying. But I do recall learning something that day that I hope to always treasure. We were studying texts diligently together when Rebbe’s 19-year-old daughter – a young l …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

January 25th, 2023

“You are driving a bus,” the entertainer began. I was sitting at a birthday party to which I had carpooled my son and some classmates. The entertainer was trying to include both children and their parents with a conversational riddle. He continued. “At the first stop 3 children get on. At the second stop 2 more get on, but one gets off. At the next stop a grandma gets on with two children, a boy and a girl. At the next stop 2 ch …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 5th, 2022

One of my favorite places to visit is Niagara Falls. The intense rush of water cascading over the falls is truly overwhelming. Over the years I have visited the Falls numerous times, and have experienced them as many of us have: from in front, from behind, as well as from the boat ride. But nothing prepared me for my recent visit. My previous trips were all to the Canadian side. It was so exciting to cross the border, and besides, “they&rdq …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 5th, 2022

The woman was distraught. Her son had set out to that place called America, where the streets were “paved with gold.” She had seen him off at the nearby train station but had not heard from him for six months. Now her head was besieged with questions: Had he made it to the ship? Had he crossed the Atlantic safely? Did he find a job? Was he okay? Finally, she heard something. A local businessman came back from America and told her that …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

September 25th, 2023

Has it been a while since you have felt excitement in your marriage? Have you reached a point of doubt or distancing in your relationship? Discernment mediation might be just what you need. If you are encountering difficulties in marriage, you may feel that you are headed for divorce. This is especially true if either you or your spouse know of a friend that is getting divorced. But it does not have to be that way. The drifting, distancing, and e …
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Author: Mordechai Rhine, Rabbi, Mediator

August 5th, 2022

My father encouraged us to be handy. He encouraged us to read the instructions and do it ourselves if we could. One of my fond memories of childhood is reaffixing the car rearview mirror after it fell off. Although I did wonder a bit why a rearview mirror was important – after all, people drive forward not backward – I proceeded to reaffix the mirror. I bought the glue, positioned the mirror, and then followed the instructions, holdin …
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