Shalom Rav- There is Nothing as Wholesome as Shalom

Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss is a book I am fond of both for its content and for its wise title. Too often, even professionals think that mediation means looking at the claims of the two parties and meeting in the middle. Splitting the difference just seems so fair.

The author, a former FBI hostage negotiator, notes that such mediation would mean that in a hostage situation of four, law enforcement would bargain for two?! And if ransom was placed at a million, the family would pay half a million and consider it good negotiation?!

Good mediation is much more sophisticated than splitting the difference. It involves truly understanding the needs of both parties and uncovering interests, motivations, and benefits. 

As a mediator, when I work with people who are in disagreement, I practice the popular marble method. Jointly, we explore the many valuable outcomes that each party is looking to achieve. These can include relationships, tax benefits, payment schedules and their duration, and a full inventory of assets and their allocation. In fact, this process allows for a much more nuanced and precise outcome than a court is capable of. 

So don't just split the difference. Try mediation where your opinion matters, and the effects of every step can be managed.

Mordechai Rhine is a certified mediator who specializes in marriage mediation. He is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and services clients throughout the United States via Zoom. Rabbi Rhine has served as a community Rabbi for over two decades. He can be reached through his website, www.care-mediation.com, or by email at RMRhine@gmail.com.