Lonely with others
Nobody likes to be alone. Unless they have experiences that puts them in that direction. There's different kinds of being alone. Sometimes we tend to think that if somebody has a lot of friends they are not lonely but it's not necessarily the case. There are people out there who you would never guess are lonely and you may be one of them.
Spending quality time by yourself is a good thing. Spending most of your time alone is not healthy. Everybody needs somebody, even those who gave up on it. Nobody is born into this world saying that they don't want to have friends but sometimes life experiences can push them in that direction. There are different kinds of feeling lonely. Lonely could range between someone being criticized and feeling badly about themselves to having intense emotional pain and having no one to share it with.
Sometimes when we feel pain we assume that others can't understand what we are going through. Now, most people go through some kind of pain in their life and may not be able to understand exactly what you are going through, but they could understand what it is like to go through a painful situation. When we feel we have no one to confide in we just start to distance ourselves from others. The more pain we feel the more we want to stay away from others so that we could hide it. Some people make this into a slow process and some will just cut themselves off completely from everyone around them.
Nobody could be there for you if you will not allow them to be. From the many situations I have come across, most turned out well when someone finally opened up the family or friends. There is no guarantee that it will be a positive experience but nothing is. There's also no guarantee that it will be a negative experience. If you are dedicated to feeling good and helping yourself then you need to keep on pushing until you find the proper support system for yourself. And just because one or two of the people that you confide in don't end up helping you and being there for you doesn't mean that you should give up. There are lots of good people in this world but if somebody had a negative experience growing up they may not be able to see that. Prove yourself wrong. You could start that by thinking about anyone that was ever part of your life, short or long-term, who left a positive feeling with you.
I'll give you two examples how to understand what happens if you don't have support and you have to keep everything inside. One is a balloon and the more air you put into it while blowing it up will get bigger and bigger and eventually will pop. Another way to understand this is to compare it to making pasta. What happens when you start with the basic steps and put the water into the pot with a little salt? You then go to take care of something else with the few minutes that you have. Suddenly, you hear a noise in the kitchen and when you run there you see bubbles overflowing and dripping down into the fire.
As human beings we have limits. The sooner we realize that, the easier it is to live. Before we come to that conclusion though, we need to turn somewhere if the pain becomes unbearable. If we never spoke to anyone professionally and personally that leaves you with one option. And that is to self soothe. The only trouble with that is that if somebody's had that difficult a time and no one positive too share what's going on, they very often turn to a negative behavior to help themselves feel better.
Relationships could be difficult because you've never really experienced positive ones. If your childhood didn't have any healthy relationships, then you wouldn't know how to turn to someone in time of need. If somehow, you do end up in therapy you cannot be consistent because the concept of talking to someone is new and scary. And then there are those who hurt themselves by turning to drugs, alcohol and using food as a way to feel better. Each of those are hurting your body. Some other ways that people hurt their bodies are by stopping to eat or with unhealthy eating patterns. They're all so many ways that people can hurt themselves on the outside. The most common way to do so is by cutting, but they're also others.
It is possible to get help even without sharing the details of why you need help if you to prefer not to. There are some people that could be trusted and that can include a teacher, a friend's parents, or a mental health professional who could direct you to somebody else if you have a personal relationship with them.
Without going into any details, there have been patients who have made significant Improvement realizing they have some control over their lives. You only need one glimmer of hope to start the road to recovery. You don't have to see the end of the road to take the first step.
Zahavah Selinger, LMHC is a licensed therapist with a private practice located in Crown Heights and Boro Park. She focuses on self-esteem, depression, and anxiety with both children and adults. To set up a free consultation, contact her at zahavahsel@gmail.com or 845-596-1321.
Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights. She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and zahavahsel@gmail.com.