FAILURE!! Do you often hear your brain yelling that awful word? This is where perception is so important. Every so-called failure can be turned into a success. If something negative could be used to help you move forward, is that actually something that we want to avoid it? There were so many successes over time that only came about because of effort. But only because they had a positive perspective and they were able to turn the "failure" into something useful.
For each goal you set for yourself and didn't reach, you are now a few steps closer. Now you know why you did not achieve it. If you could understand why, then you could still reach the same goal taking a different path. You may also want to break the goal down into different steps. It is much easier to take one step at a time then to run up a staircase.
You are used to what you know. You think a certain way. You feel certain way. You also behave a certain way. Reaching a goal usually involves changing all the above. It's not easy to go against your natural reactions. You need to be patient with yourself and realize that it takes time.
Lastly, you need to put things into proportion. Perfectionists and extremists have a very difficult time with this. That is why they tend to give up quickly. Looking at the bigger picture will be helpful to not turn something negative into a situation where it takes over your life. You need to do the work as well. Therefore, making yourself a ruler 1-10 and writing down examples of each number can help you with an appropriate reaction.
The most important thing to remember is that big changes happen in small steps. You need to recognize the small steps when they are successful. You also need to recognize them when they are not successful because you still made the effort. That is more than you have done in the past. Whether a short or long journey, you will be surprised when your goal becomes part of you.
Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights. She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and zahavahsel@gmail.com.