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Choosing what to wear, deciding what to order from a restaurant and debating how to address an issue with someone could be difficult. Why is it so easy for others and not you? It doesn’t seem fair, but that in itself won’t change it.
Let’s try to understand where it could come from. In order to need to make a decision you need something important. It is called trust. You need to trust yourself. You need to trust you will make the best decision. You need to trust that even if the decision doesn’t turn out being the best one, that it doesn’t reflect who you are. You are human. You will make mistakes.
You are in a lose-lose situation. If you don’t make a choice in a reasonable amount of time, things may not work out. If you do make a choice in the appropriate time frame, it may or may not work out for you. With the second choice, you have a chance. For each “wrong” choice you make, you learn to trust yourself a little bit more. Trusting something is negative is still helpful to making future decisions.
Did you grow up being complimented? If you did, then great. If you didn’t, and no one was ever there to make you feel good about your choices, why would you suddenly feel good about them because you are “grown up.” Being validated gives you a feeling that you could do something right. If you never had that experience, now is the time to validate yourself.
When you need to make a decision, give yourself a minute, or five minutes depending on what it is. Thinking it over so much will only add on to the already difficult decision for you. A little bit of pressure could be a good thing. Clothing is something that shouldn’t take more than five minutes’ maximum to choose. You know what you like, you know what you feel good in. You won’t feel good internally because someone else told you to make that choice. The self-doubt will be there. If you need to make a choice that could have consequences, make a list of positive and negatives. Go over it, once. Asking someone for advice is okay, but not to make the choice for you.
Next time you have a choice to make, tell yourself you could do! You know what feels right to you. And then just make it!
Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights. She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and zahavahsel@gmail.com.