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In the house where I grow up, I didn’t get the chance to learn couplehood[1] first hand.
Being in awe from the fact that there are couples that not only live together after the age of 50, but actually really like each other, I asked my future mother in law an advice before our wedding, “How do you do that? How do you get to this fantastic achievement?”
Her answer was short and decisive, “Never go to sleep if you are angry at each other.”
I embraced her advice and placed it very near to my heart, and I never forgot, and I never let it go.
As the years went by I learned both in my private and professional life, that there is no such thing as quarrel-free, angerless couplehood.
I learned that good couplehood doesn’t become good (just like that) and fall from the sky (even thought HE definitely has a part in it).
I learned that good couplehood is a result of real persistence to find a way,
in spite of, and regardless of it all.
Of daily hard work,
sometimes tough, sometimes frustrating, sometimes painful, sometimes sad, sometimes lonely,
but it is always a result of work.
Work is not only about things that you do, it is also about things that you do NOT do.
So today we are learning what not to do: Do not go to sleep angry at each other!
Stay up until you resolve whatever needs to be resolved,
even if it means to stay up all night and not going to sleep at all.
Cry together, laugh together, talk, listen, and compromise, let go, stand your ground,
but mainly remember, that at the basis of it all, there is a big enormous and impossible love that brought you together to begin with, and to this place where you are now,
and with this love help, you can move mountains --
even yourself.
[1] Couplehood (n) - The state of being a romantic couple. (yourdictionary.com)
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[© Smadar Prager, CGP]
Smadar Prager, CGP is an Israeli Certified Group Psychotherapist since 1998 with a home based private practice located in South Valley Stream (Five Towns area, Long Island). She focuses on individual’s relationships with self, in the Family, Parenthood, Couplehood, and Body and Eating Disorders.
To schedule an appointment please contact smadarprager@gmail.com | 917-513-1490 (texts and WhatsApp are welcome).
Please visit my Hebrew Blog:
http://smadarprager.blogspot.com/