Author: Yehuda Krohn, Psy.D.

December 21st, 2024

I recently sat with a client and listened to a recording he’d made of himself, years earlier, playing the guitar and singing the song of his favorite artist. My client and I marveled at how meticulously he’d reproduced the riffs, the tones, and the timing of the artist. My client, who is older than I am, is no longer able to play the guitar; his voice is no longer quite able to hit the notes. It was a bittersweet moment. It highlighte …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

December 18th, 2024

Parshat Vayeshev unfolds a gripping narrative centered around the complex dynamics of the family of Yaacov. A closer examination reveals an intriguing interplay of psychological concepts, particularly birth order and sibling rivalry, as we delve into the lives of Yosef and his brothers. Humorist Sam Levenson wrote, “Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.” While families prepar …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

December 18th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have heard that people are developing AI therapy and that it could be just as effective as in person therapy. Setting aside for the moment the issues that come along with use of technology, I am wondering if you think this is, or can be, and effective method of therapy?   Response: Your question can be understood from a global perspective or with regard to specific needs for specific people within the context of a therapeut …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 23rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis describes Aharon’s character and temperament in comparison to Moshe. Moshe was a lawgiver and valued strict justice and truth. However, Aharon, whose role was not that of a judge, was a lover of peace and a pursuer of peace, and he would apply peace between one person and the other. Ben Yehoyada here notes that the Hebrew word used here, “pursuer of peace,” is more ambiguous sounding than the English tran …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 22nd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph characterizes the halachic leadership of Babylonia versus Eretz Yisrael: "The verse states: “The scepter shall not depart from Judah nor the ruler’s staff from between his feet until Shiloh comes” (Genesis 49:10). …“The scepter shall not depart from Judah”; these are the Exilarchs in Babylonia, who are empowered by the government and consequently subjugate the Jewish people as with a s …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the minimum number of walls required for a kosher Succah: "There must be two walls in their standard sense, completely closing each of those two sides, and a third wall, which, based on a halakha transmitted to Moses from Sinai, may measure even as little as one handbreadth." Sefer Daf al Daf quotes two interesting pieces of derush regarding this Halacha. The Alshich (Vayikra 23:33) explains that all the benefit …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 20th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses an interesting idiom to describe a certain class of uneducated people, “dwellers on the corner.” This idiom is used to refer to a layperson who might still serve as a judge, assuming the other judges are learned. This idiom for an unlearned person is fascinating because idioms typically do not translate well from one language to another, and certainly not from one culture to another. Yet this idiom is rem …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 19th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the principle that a Jewish court must be structured to avoid gridlock, which is why it always has an odd number of judges. This principle is used to determine the number of judges in various courts. For example, when the Gemara finds scriptural support for a capital court to consist of at least 22 judges, it is automatically assumed that the court must have 23 judges to prevent a tie. The Oholei Yitschok raises …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 18th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph references how the sages were careful to enact ordinances that protected purchasers from unknown liens and repossessions. However, they balanced this with a need for reasonable mechanisms for creditors to collect debt so as not to discourage people from lending. Additionally, there is a mitzvah incumbent upon the heirs to pay debts from the estate of the deceased, as discussed on 174a. The Pele Yoetz ("Loveh") employs bot …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 17th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph references a social and psychological principle that a person is reluctant to appear excessively wealthy. This has halakhic implications, as it may lead a person on his deathbed to declare fictional debts in front of others in order to give the impression of having fewer assets, even though he does not actually owe them. As a safeguard, halakha requires specific language that clearly directs the debt to be paid, rather th …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

December 12th, 2024

In Parshat Vayishlach, we witness Yaacov Avinu’s dramatic encounter with his brother Esav after years of separation. The passuk says “Vayyira ya'akov me'od – Yaacov was greatly frightened,” (Genesis 32:8) when hearing that Esav was coming to see him. The Chizkuni tells us that Yaakov feared that although he had sent a conciliatory message to Esav, he was afraid that through some inadvertent sin he might have committed rece …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

December 18th, 2024

Will I Marry the Right Person? Exploring the Big Question Marriage is one of life’s most significant commitments, yet it often comes with uncertainty. In the latest episode of Intimate Judaism, hosts Talli Rosenbaum and Rabbi Scott Kahn tackle this profound and relatable question: Will I marry the right person? As they point out, there are no guarantees. Even with careful thought and preparation, the complexities of life and relationships …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 17th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis recounts the story of a person in dire financial straits who devised a plan to improve his situation, only for unforeseen circumstances to derail it. Reflecting on this, the Gemara uses the aphorism: “Poverty follows the impoverished person.” Similarly, in Bava Kamma 92a, the sages observe a poignant inequality: wealthy individuals who brought their first fruits to the Temple in gold and silver baskets were per …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 15th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis quotes a series of verses from Mishlei (6:1-3), which caution against the dangers of becoming a cosigner for another’s debt: son, if you have stood surety for your fellow, Given your hand for another, You have been trapped by the words of your mouth, Snared by the words of your mouth. Do this, then, my son, to extricate yourself, For you have come into the power of your fellow: Go grovel—and badger your fellow. …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 13th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis explores a situation involving two people with identical names, as well as fathers with identical names. This creates a significant problem in the absence of last names, as the culture of the Talmud relied on patronymic identification—“son of so-and-so.” The Gemara chooses the example of “Yosef ben Shimon” to illustrate the issue. This choice of names has piqued the curiosity of many commentat …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 13th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis quotes Rabbi Ḥanina bar Pappi, who expresses his profound reverence for Rav and Shmuel with a striking metaphor: “Who will give us some of the dust of Rav and Shmuel, and I will place it on my eyes, so highly do I regard them.” At first glance, the notion of putting dust in one’s eyes seems puzzling as an expression of honor. To understand this, we must look to a related account in Sanhedrin 47b, which …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 12th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph recounts an episode in which Rabbi Yitzchak bar Yosef believed that the esteemed Rabbi Abba owed him a large sum of money. Rabbi Abba, however, maintained that he had already repaid the debt. On the surface, this situation seems perplexing. One might expect sages of their stature to exercise exceptional care in tracking financial matters. Moreover, if there were any uncertainty, it would seem more in line with their piety …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 11th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses a principle regarding halachic agency. While one may appoint an agent to act on their behalf in legal matters, such as purchases, the agency remains valid only if the agent performs as directed. If the agent deviates significantly from their instructions, the transaction is nullified. The Sefer Kevodah Shel Torah frequently uses halachic principles to illuminate or expand upon biblical narratives. In Bereishis (4 …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 10th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph considers the modesty practices of Torah sages, noting that they often avoid paying close attention to a woman’s appearance. Therefore, it advises: Abaye said: A Torah scholar who goes to betroth a woman should take an Am Haaretz (common folk, non-learned person) with him to establish a positive identity of the woman. Otherwise, people might exchange another woman for her when given to him for marriage, taking advan …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

December 5th, 2024

Parashah Vayetzei introduces us to the trickery of Lavan HaArami, a character who stands as a paradigm of deceit and selfishness. The dialogue between Lavan and Yaakov Avinu, starting with the words, “Just because you are my close relative, should you serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be (Bereishit 29:15), opens a window into the complex dynamics between these two figures. At first glance, Lavan's words seem generous, off …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 9th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph records a situation where the sage Abaye suspected through circumstantial evidence that he was being presented with a fraudulent contract. It states that he exerted some form of pressure and coercion in order to induce a confession, and indeed the person did confess. This brings up an interesting point of the reliability of forced confessions. As a result of DNA testing and the Innocence Project there have been numerous s …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 8th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph describes a situation where Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel fought against a situation of price gouging. There was a shortage of sacrificial doves necessary for new mothers to bring as an offering to complete their purification process which led to a price spike. Fearing this would cause people despair and possibly to give up on the whole ritual, he enacted an emergency measure, allowing certain sacrifices to double up even tho …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 6th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph makes an observation about human nature and that certain sins are almost impossible to avoid: The majority of people succumb to sin with regard to financial dishonesty and theft, and a minority of people succumb to sin with regard to sexual matters, and everyone succumbs to sin with regard to malicious speech. The Gemara asks: Can it enter your mind that all people sin with regard to malicious speech? The Gemara answers: …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 6th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud aleph discusses various circumstances where a parchment that was erased can be reused without being vulnerable to forgery. Ordinarily, with the technology of Talmudic times, one couldn’t inkwash the contract and remove or add clauses without the discoloration being noticeable, thus signifying potential forgery. But, if the entire parchment was written on erased material, the Gemara says it would be a valid contract since …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 5th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Aleph discusses the standard width of a line in order to determine the acceptable width of a blank section between the closing line of the contract and the witness’s signatures. As we discussed on daf 162, this is a safeguard against cheating, to prevent the later insertion of fraudulent obligations and conditions. The yardstick used by the rabbis is comprised of two words, which contain tall and short letters, so as to a …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 4th, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis rules that the final line in the contract can only be a review of the contents, and cannot serve as evidence of any additional obligations or information. This is a safeguard against fraud, as this makes it difficult for a forger to squeeze in additional information between the bottom line of the contract and the witness’s signatures. Sefer Daf al Saf quotes Sefer Haikarim (IV:40) who uses this to add depth to the cl …
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Author: Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, DHL, LCSW-R

December 3rd, 2024

Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses the possibility that a witness might sign a document using his father’s name alone, without his name, as an identifier, much as different sages used symbols as a signature mark such as a fish or a palm branch. While symbols were accepted and plausible as signatory devices, the Gemara concluded that a person would not use his father‘s name as an identifier, as this would be considered disrespectful. (W …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 28th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Is there a benefit to using therapy just for accountability? I pretty much know what I need to do but I push things off a bit and I find that it helps for me to have someone that I check in with weekly to keep me on my game. I have done therapy in the past for deeper issues but I feel like at this point it's more about taking action. I am considering resuming therapy but mostly just for the goal of being accountable to someone. Pu …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 28th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I enjoy your weekly responses and I think that it has provided me with a lot of insight into my own life. My question is: How would you define self-esteem? Is it the same thing as self-confidence? Is it something that someone can build on their own or must they be born and raised with? I understand that everyone might have a slightly different definition but I think I would appreciate hearing all of your perspectives on this. Than …
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Author: Talli Yehuda Rosenbaum

November 28th, 2024

Originally published on the Nishmat website and on Talli Rosenbaum Humans long for both emotional and physical intimacy and are wired for connection. Most people want to experience a meaningful marital partnership that includes feeling secure, understood, and loved. Physical intimacy provides the opportunity to express that love with connection, joy, pleasure, satisfaction, playfulness, and, sometimes, even with a spiritual connection. Being abl …
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Author: Elan Javanfard, L.M.F.T.

November 27th, 2024

Parshat Toldot offers a fascinating opportunity to explore the psychological concept of delayed gratification, a quality that is central to behavior and personal development. In this Parsha, we find a compelling example of delayed gratification through Yaacov, who ultimately becomes the third of the Avot and father to all 12 Shevatim.   The story of the Parsha primarily focuses on the struggle between Yaacov and Esav, two very different brot …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: We brought up our children simply and we tried to keep them pretty sheltered. Baruch Hashem many are married and have turned out well. One of our teenage boys has decided he was deprived and has now gone completely the opposite way where he says he needs everything he didn't have. Clothes, scooters, electronics, nothing bad per se, but definitely not how he was raised. We have been discussing with his rabbeim where to dr …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My 7-year-old daughter seems to have an unusual temper. I understand it's normal for a kid that age to have tantrums but this is something else. She seems to have actual rage. It is also kind of hard to predict what sets her off. Sometimes she goes to school without a fuss and sometimes she will insist she isn't going and it turns into a huge fight. The "switch" seems to turn off as quickly and unpredictably. What works with …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: My husband and I have a wonderful marriage baruch Hashem. We share the same goals and are overall very much on the same page. One area where we keep having arguments is regarding finances. I am much more of a saver and a planner and he has an attitude of "we will figure it out." This is the kind of thing that keeps coming up again and again in our marriage and we just don't seem to have a path that works things out. …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I have been struggling for many years with my davening. Many times, I feel that if I only put enough emotion and feeling into my davening, I can get the results that I want. The problem is that forcing myself backfires. It's hard to concentrate on the meaning of the words when trying to create feelings. In my case, I wind up worrying all day about my relationship with Hashem, if I am a good person, and if I am a proper maamin …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I'm curious to hear what the panelists have to say about the following: What is the correct approach that a parent should take when a child expresses their embarrassment about their parents, their parents clothing, cars, house etc.... For example, my teenagers will say, "What you’re wearing is so outdated," "Our house is so messy," "Ma, you can't wear this," "Please pick me up from school in our nicer car …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist:  I have a middle-aged younger brother who lives a depressed, resentful, lonely, unemployed life. My mother, an almanna, has a heart of gold and would do anything to help him. Yet, he gets extremely angry at her when they speak on the phone, and expresses deep resentment to her, which is similar to how he connected with our father a"h. He thinks she favors me over him, among other gripes. On the rare occasion that he visi …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: Around a year ago my son was far along in a shidduch and at a late stage the girl said no. He was devastated at the time which we thought was normal. But it is now a while later and his dating has really suffered from it. He is constantly procrastinating when shidduchim are redt to him and he is an anxious mess when he dates. After every date he agonizes about his decision and, in my opinion, has said no to some very nic …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: It is becoming clear that we are going to need to have our son who is now in 3rd grade go back to 2nd grade after Succos. He is too far behind and we can't provide the support that is necessary to help him maintain grade level. I am not sure how to break this news to him and how to help him so that this will not scar him emotionally or socially. Please advise us how to do this in the most painless way possible. Thank you …
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Author: Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

November 25th, 2024

Dear Therapist: I am worried that my daughter who just went to seminary is spending way too much time at her newly married sister's home. I think she is missing out on the full experience and the chance to make new friends. I am more concerned that it isn't good for my shana rishona couple to have someone in the house all the time. Both my daughters say that I am over reacting and it's not a big deal. I would appreciate your opinion and …
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