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I want to acknowledge Sara Schapiro-Halberstam, M.S., CASAC previously wrote an article on this topic. I am writing this in addition to hers:) not in place of it.
There are times throughout the year where we get dressed up during the holiday or to party, such as worldwide carnivals. Why do people get dressed up? To be somebody they’re not, to be someone different. Why do people drink alcohol before socializing? To be more relaxed so they could feel comfortable with themselves. How often is there a discrepancy between the way we feel on our insides and the way we appear on the outside? I will let you answer that question yourself.
Why is it we try to run away from who we really are? Are we happy with ourselves or would we rather escape whenever possible? The real question is what exactly are we running from?
There will always be questions but there won’t always be answers. What we could do is use the questions to help guide us towards the future. Let’s focus on being comfortable with ourselves so we don’t need to look for “another us.” First we need to know who we are. That is not always as easy as it sounds. Do we live for ourselves or those around us?
We try not exposing ourselves. If that is being shy or because of struggling socially, we can work on that. If that is because we are worried we may express to many or too few feelings, that could be improved. Unfortunately, the only way we could work on something that we don’t like in ourselves is by acknowledging it is there. Hiding behind a mask has the opposite effect and will never give you a chance to be the inner you. The mask is often to avoid feelings. Yes, feelings. The thing that makes us vulnerable. Living is about learning how to deal with vulnerable situations. It is quite difficult to always avoid, although it does work sometimes and when it does, it is temporary.
We also have choices to make. In this instance the decision would be to gamble on the best of the worst. Is temporary pain worth it for lifelong happiness? Achieving happiness and comfort is when you take control by letting yourself be prepared for anything that may come your way and use it to grow into a stronger you.
The next time you feel like hiding in your mask, will you choose to put it on or understand your feelings behind wanting to wear it?
Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights. She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and zahavahsel@gmail.com.