The other day I was taking the subway and as I was getting off I heard a commotion. I turned around and saw two women. They were approximately forty and sixty years old. They were literally clawing at each other and then some men got up to intervene. Someone called out to a police officer who was standing on the platform and when he went over to them, one blamed the other for the fight, saying she was pushed.

This had me thinking about what it is that somebody is missing in their life that would have them react in this manner to a situation like this. They literally lost control of themselves and were throwing punches at each other. If they had healthier coping skills, the fight wouldn’t have escalated to the point they needed to defend themselves. This may be extreme but it takes day to day arguments and magnifies it. This brings out how people may react when they feel vulnerable.

I like to reflect on confidence levels. After seeing these two women and I was wondering what it was that happened or didn't happen in their life that would have them react in a way that is really humiliating to most. They don't even see it that way. I asked someone who comes from a tight knit family what she thinks kept them together as grownups? She said that it was a random answer. They always ate dinner together. I thought about the importance that parents teach each child that no matter what they wait for each other to eat and that they have a place to belong. They're getting the message that they're part of the family, they are important and people notice if they're not there. Dinner is an example of everyday life that had positive long term effects.

Raising a family involves so many different aspects and struggles. As busy as parents may be, there are certain skills that are so important to be taught. Sometimes the positive feelings they help instill could take them much further than any practical skill. With confidence, lots could be learned. Remember that it is the small things in life that build the big picture.

www.zahavahselingerlmhc.com

Zahavah Fishfeld, LMHC is a licensed therapist who focuses on relationships, self-esteem and self growth. She offers a phone consultation as well as sessions in person and through video. Her offices are located in Flatbush and Crown Heights.  She can be reached at 845-596-1321 and  zahavahsel@gmail.com.